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How To Do Your Personal Annual Review and Get the Most from 2021

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The step-by-step guide to a year of your dreams.

Photo by Markus Winkler from Pexels

2020 was a great year to learn more about yourself.

You were forced to cancel travel plans and minimize social interactions. You’ve likely spent more time with yourself than ever before. And while time alone might have brought your most unpleasant feelings to the surface, your experiences can reveal a promising way for your future.

Yet, this year per se isn’t enough to make you learn more about yourself. You can spend 52 weeks alone without evolving at all.

It’s about when and how you reflect on your experiences that will improve your life’s quality and prepare you for the next year.

Billionaire entrepreneur Sara Blakely shared in an interview how she regularly reflects on her life’s obstacles and the lessons learned. And psychologist and educational scientist John Dewey summarized the effects best, writing:

“We do not learn from experience. We learn from reflecting on experience.”

I’ve run a personal annual review for the past four years now and continue to look for ways to improve it. Recently, I went through all my notes and distilled the practices that helped me the most.

4 Things You Need To Run Your Annual Review

You don’t need a fancy retreat to conduct your reflection. All it takes are four simple things.

2×3 hours of uninterrupted time. You don’t want to rush through your review in one sitting. For me, the reviews work best when I block three hours on two subsequent days. You can, however, also block two times 3 hours on a single day. Your life, your choices.

Paper, pen, and the printed questions. Your computer or your phone will easily distract you. Shut your devices off and prepare a technology-free working area. Print this article (you’ll find a printable version a the end) or write down the questions. You can always look up information afterward if you need it.

Journals, diaries, calendars, or other personal data. Your memory is good, but your documentation works better. Collect all personal evidence from the year before your review. It’ll help you answer the questions that follow. If you manage your life digitally, you can use your computer and phone (in flight mode) for part one.

A blank desk, floor, table, or a whiteboard. I’ve done my reviews on a beach chair, in a hostel, and on my desk. What works best is a big empty area, like a clean desk or an empty whiteboard.

Optional: People to work with. Depending on the COVID situation, it can be beneficial to do the review with two to three close friends. You can bounce ideas, verify your thoughts, and help each other focus.

Part 1: How to Kickstart Your Personal Review

The first three hours are all about reflection and examination. It’ll be your evidence-based foundation for the session that will follow in the second session.

Start by getting into the present moment. You can either do it with a 5-minute breathing meditation or by journaling about how you’re feeling right now. Then, ask yourself what you’re most grateful for in life right now.

Once you feel you’re in the right mindset, start going through your notes and impressions from the year. Flip your journals’ pages, look at the key events in your calendar, or think of your highlights and lowlights of the year. You don’t necessarily need to write anything down yet, but you can make some notes if you feel like it.

Now it’s time to answer questions that’ll help you organize your thoughts and feelings. You don’t need to answer them chronologically. You can even skip the ones that don’t feel right. However, I’ve found that the questions I felt resistance toward shined a light on something I tried to ignore.

Questions to Reflect Holistically

  • How have you lived your life in the past twelve months?
  • What residual feelings do you have about the past year?
  • What were your 2020 highlights?
  • When did you feel your heart most open this year?
  • What moment did you feel most alive this year?
  • What are you most proud of? Why?
  • What were your 2020 lowlights?
  • What was most challenging for you, and how did it make you feel?
  • How have you experienced crisis, loss, and pain this year?
  • What made you feel hurt, angry, or sad? Why?
  • What have your highlights and lowlights this year taught you? What are the life lessons you want to remember?

Questions to Reflect on Your Success & Growth

  • How have you grown and developed last year?
  • What were your three biggest work accomplishments? What contributed to them?
  • Are there any other goals apart from the work you achieved that you are proud of?
  • Have you developed any healthy habits you want to keep?
  • Have you developed any new skills? What helped you learning them?
  • What was the best decision you made all year? What did you learn from it?
  • What risks did you take, and what were the rewards?

Questions to Reflect on the People & Relationships in Your Life

  • For which people in your life are you most grateful?
  • Which qualities about relationships do you value most personally and professionally?
  • Which person has inspired you the most? How?
  • Which person had the biggest negative impact on your life? Why?
  • Are there any toxic friends in your life? How have you signaled your boundaries in the past year?
  • What new relationships enhanced your life? Who? How?
  • How has your relationship with yourself changed over the year?
  • Is there anything else you want to reflect on that hasn’t been asked yet?

Going through your memories and answering all of these questions might take more or less than three hours. Time is a mere reference point.

Once you feel your answers are complete, you can stop. If you feel like it, talk through them with a friend and explain what surprised you the most. Then, take a break and let it rest until you feel ready for part two.

Photo by Jess Bailey on Unsplash

Part 2: How to Make the Most From Your Insights

Now you’ve mastered the reflection; it’s time to start thinking ahead to 2021. Based on your foundation, you want to develop bigger aspirations and plan the processes neccessary to realize them.

Questions that Reveal Your Deepest Aspirations:

  • What happens when you really show up in the world? What are you really longing for?
  • What would a dream year look like for you in 2021?
  • What does success in 2021 mean for you?
  • What three big goals will you accomplish next year?
  • What three skills will you acquire?
  • We are now in December 2021. You integrated all your experience and learning from 2020, and 2021 was the most incredible year of your life — surpassing even your wildest expectations. With all your energy, write about your year — what happened and how did you feel?

Once you feel happy about your answers, it’s time to dig deeper. Even if it can feel difficult at first, it’s essential to answer your reason behind it. So, with all honesty, ask yourself: Why do you want to achieve it?

Do you want to receive external praise? Do you want to make your parents proud? Do you want to leave the world better than you found it? Do you want to spread love and happiness while fostering a healthy body?

None is better than the other. But knowing your ‘why’ will help you move faster towards your dreams.

Put Your Dreams into Actionable Goals and Processes

You’ve already mastered the deep work of your annual review. What’s left is a plan that helps you move towards your desired 2021 outcome.

When you skip this step, your annual review remains mere entertainment.

You won’t move towards your big goals.

I know because I made this mistake. In 2016 I didn’t translate my annual review into actionable steps. Guess what? My wildest dreams didn’t manifest.

In 2019 I applied the advice that follows. And despite the pandemic, I reached almost all of my goals. My mind and body are strong and healthy. I became self-employed and made a great living from working on my dreams. I run a weekly couple’s podcast with my partner and write six days a week. I live in an honest, exciting, and supportive relationship. I feel a deep appreciation and love for the people in my life.

The only thing that didn’t work out this year — and you’ll know why — is spending the cold European winter in a warm country.

Here’s how you can make it work for you.

Have Clear Goals but Focus On Your Process and Systems

It’s easier to focus on the outcome. But the goal is not in your control. By obsessing about the outcome, you prevent yourself from immersing in the process that leads to your outcome. As James Clear put it:

If you’re a coach, your goal is to win a championship. Your system is what your team does at practice each day.

If you’re a writer, your goal is to write a book. Your system is the writing schedule that you follow each week.

If you’re a runner, your goal is to run a marathon. Your system is your training schedule for the month.

If you’re an entrepreneur, your goal is to build a million dollar business. Your system is your sales and marketing process.

So, instead of obsessing over the outcome, think about the processes and systems required to get to your goal. Again, James Clear:

“Goals are good for setting a direction, but systems are best for making progress.”

One of my 2020 goals was to live in a strong and healthy body and mind. But instead of obsessing over the outcome, I came up with habits that would get me there. I focused on building a daily yoga practice and prolonging my daily meditation practice. I developed a feel-good plan to eat 99% plant-based food and do intermittent fasting almost every day.

I reached my goal because I focused on the process instead of the outcome.

Here are the questions that will help you:

  • How do your goals for 2021 translate into actionable habits and processes?
  • What habits, behaviors, or attitudes will you need to develop or adopt next year?
  • What things or habits do you need to stop doing?

Once you’ve broken down your dreams into actionable processes, summarize your reflection on one clean sheet. This summary will be the anchor for 2021. Place it somewhere clearly visible, like next to your mirror or on the wall behind your desk.

Close On A High Note

Congratulations! You’re almost done. To finish your annual review and close the year behind you, write down your answer to:

  • How are you feeling right now? How do you feel about 2021?

If you feel like it, share your summary with your friends or family. In this way, you create accountability partners who might remind you or check in with your progress.

In Summary

It’s easy to skip your annual review and continue as before.

It’s much harder to take six hours, face your feelings, keep your focus, and derive actionable steps.

An annual review isn’t easy. But when you commit to taking an honest look at your year— your highs, your lows, your actions, your mindset — you shift your life’s trajectory.

That’s what will help you live the life of your dreams.

I hope you’ll find the energy to achieve anything you want.

Get Your Free Printable Personal Annual Review Version Here

How to Make Your Time Work for You

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6 key principles for making the most of your time on this planet.

Photo by Collin Hardy on Unsplash

Plenty of people spend their time as if they’d never die. They say yes when they should be saying no. They get dopamine shots from social media instead of fostering deep human connections. They chase what they haven’t instead of enjoying what they have.

“I wish I could, but..” is one of the sentences you hear them say often. They waste their time on low-quality activities that don’t add happiness or meaning to their lives. And yet, you hear them complain about lacking time to pursue the things they always wanted to do.

As best-selling author Grant Cardone wrote:

“Most people have no clue what they are doing with their time but still complain that they don’t have enough.”

Many people could live better lives (if they made their time work for them), but instead, continue to repeat the same patterns all over again, which leaves them feeling unhappy, ineffective, and stuck.

But what if you made your time work for you?

How would that change your life, your relationships, your future?

What things and people would you say no to?

What activities would start doing?

1) Schedule Health Blocks in Your Calendar

When asked what surprised him about humanity the most, the Dalai Lama once said:

“Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

In our current economy, self-worth seems to be tied to productivity. Sitting curled up in a desk chair and answering emails is worth more than going to a yoga class. Making phone calls during our lunch break looks better than taking the time for a proper self-cooked meal. I used to feel guilty and unproductive when I cared for myself.

But prioritizing work over health is toxic.

We only have one body to live in. When it breaks or stops to function, we downgraded our life. That’s why putting your health first is one of the most important time management principles.

How to do it:

  • Schedule regular walking and stretching breaks.
  • Plan time slots for grocery shopping, cooking, and eating.
  • Block out non-negotiable time for sport sessions a week in advance.

2) Set Achievable To-Do Lists

Many people confuse to-do lists with wish lists. They write down any item that would love to have resolved without factoring in the time it takes. At the end of the day, they feel drained, restless, and anxious. In moments like this, it’s valuable to keep Shery Sanberg words in mind:

“You can only do so much. There are five more projects you want to do, but you pick the three that are really going to matter, and you try to do those really well, and you don’t even try to do the others.”

Don’t even try to do the others. You’ll soon realize life is more fun if you set realistic expectations. Instead of rushing after unachievable to-do’s, start living life at your own pace. Your life, your rules.

How to apply it:

  • Include time estimations after listing the to-do item.
  • Differentiate between must-dos and nice-to-haves.
  • Find fulfillment in knowing what can’t get done today will be done tomorrow.

3) Stop Prioritizing Work Over Relationships

Ryan Holiday, the guy that was hired by Benjamin Hardy and Tim Ferriss to improve their books, wrote recently:

“Many relationships and moments of inner peace were sacrificed on the altar of achievement.”

We fail to acknowledge that work-related achievements won’t make us happier or healthier. We cancel friend meet-ups because of tight work deadlines, skip a family call to complete another task, or skip vacation altogether.

While many of us think fame, fortune, and hard work will bring us happiness, science proves us wrong. Robert Waldinger, psychiatrist and professor at Harvard Medical School analyzed the longest study on human happiness. Having high-quality social connections is the best ingredient for long-term happiness. According to the study, good relationships even elevate our mental and physical health.

How to apply it:

  • Initiative regular meet-ups with the people you care about.
  • Postpone your work instead of social appointments.
  • Keep in mind that relationships, not achievements make us happy.

4) Reflect on Your Day Before Falling Asleep

One of the biggest mistakes people make when it comes to time is only looking forward. By not pausing to reflect, they don’t reap the lessons learned from past experiences. In a book on learning, neurologist Doug Larsen and neurosurgeon Mike Ebersold write:

“Cultivating the habit of reflecting on one’s experiences, making them into a story, strengthens learning.”

And Jack Mezirow, a former professor at Colombia University, adds:

“By far the most significant learning experience in adulthood involves critical self-reflection — reassessing the way we have posed problems and reassessing our own orientation to perceiving, knowing, believing, feeling and acting.”

How to apply it:

Every evening, before falling asleep, ask yourself:

  • What went well today?
  • How could I have spent my time better?
  • What strategies will I use tomorrow to use my time wiser?

5) Stop Saying Yes When You Should Be Saying No

We often forget that every ‘yes’ means a ‘no’ to a million other things. By saying no to 95% of all requests, you’ll make your ‘yeses’ a lot more meaningful.

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

— Warren Buffett

How to apply it:

  • Remember that every “yes” means a “no” to a million other things.
  • Browse through respectful ways to say no and choose your favorite ones.
  • Know that saying no will become easier every time you do it.

6) Spend Less than One Hour on Your Phone

For a decade, I was among the 80% of smartphone users who check their phones within 15 minutes of waking up. I started every morning with thoughts about the news, my inbox, and other people’s social posts.

Our phones evolved to life-shortening devices that take our time without consent. Engineers did a great job of designing apps that capture our attention for as long as possible. Mechanisms like infinity scrolling, pull-to-refresh triggers, social validation cues, and push notifications to keep us glued to the screen.

Without realizing, many of us spend hours every day in front of your phone screen. Time that’d be better spend on meaningful activities. Since I limited my screen time to one hour a day, I reached my goals. And if I, a former tech-addict, can do it, so can you.

How to apply it:

  • Charge your phone outside of your bedroom.
  • Use flight mode whenever you do deep work.
  • Delete mail and social media apps (you’ll be faster from your desktop).

The Bottom Line

Making your time work for you doesn’t need to feel hard or exhausting. There are no complex techniques you need to master.

All it takes are six simple principles:

  • Schedule non-negotiable health blocks in your calendar.
  • Aim for achievable To-Do lists.
  • Make your relationships matter more than your work.
  • Reflect on your day when lying in bed.
  • Say no to things that dilute your focus.
  • Minimize the time you spend on your smartphone.

Your life your rules. Choose the ideas that resonate with you and screw the rest. Eventually, you’ll find a pattern that helps you maximize your time on any day.

And, remember what Steve Jobs said about his time on earth:

“For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”

Do you want to stay in touch? Join my E-Mail List.

Is It Time to Break Up With Your Résumé?

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Follow your heart for true career freedom

Photo: Colton Duke/Unsplash

My parents didn’t go to high school or university. Luckily, they had no idea what a ‘good rĂ©sumé’ should look like.

They didn’t stop me when I took a 6-month study break to work in India. Neither did they tell me to get a study-related job instead of selling gym memberships on Frankfurt’s sidewalks. As long as I paid for it, they supported my decision to pick an exchange semester location based on a climate graph.

But then, in 2015, everything changed.

A university friend said one of those sentences you can’t unlearn. You’ve likely heard it many times, in some variation, from your parents, study friends, or colleagues. It always goes something like this:

How will that look on your CV?

As a 23-year naĂŻve girl, I used this question as a new compass. I studied like a freak, aced my exams, landed a prestigious internship in Shanghai, followed by a fancy FinTech job in Frankfurt. At the end of my master’s studies, I had built the perfect rĂ©sumĂ© and found myself interviewing for a consultant job at McKinsey.

But then, sitting in the Berlin Office, solving case studies, cognitive dissonance kicked in. Something didn’t feel right. Only later I realized the tension came from the inconsistency between my actions and beliefs.

So, I broke up with my résumé.

I followed my gut, didn’t take the prestigious job, and instead went for what my heart was telling me. Here’s what happens when you stop building your life for your CV.

1. People Will Try To Stop You

Many people never dare to break up with their CV. They’re afraid of mind-made struggles like not finding a job anymore, earning less money, ending up on the street, and so on.

When these worried people see a person break out of their mind-made prison, they start to rebel. They’ll start projecting their fears upon you and will try everything to stop you.

Stopping you can take many forms. You’ll hear countless counterarguments on why you shouldn’t deviate from the norm. You’ll be asked ridiculous questions. You’ll see many shaking heads once you take ownership of your life.

My parents tried to stop me from becoming a full-time writer. Even after I made a full-time income with writing, they continued to send me job offers. While I felt devastated at first, a friend made me realize their reaction wasn’t linked to my actions. Instead, my parents acted upon their internalized need for security and stability.

2. You Start to Question Yourself

Unless you’re a stone, these people don’t leave you indifferent. You’ll start to feel insecure and wonder whether your decision is the right thing to do.

I had a ton of self-doubt in the year following my CV break-up. I was even considering reapplying for that consultant job. But somehow, I outlasted my inner-critic.

Eventually, my parents stopped sending me alternative job offers. After a while, they even accepted my decision. Once they saw how confident I continued on my path, they lost interest in trying to stop me.

You might embark on a similar path and overcome your inner critic. Once you’ve tasted freedom, you can’t help but continue on your new way.

3. You Lose Some Friends

So you go on. And some people in your inner circle won’t be able to handle it. Your level of self-ownership will bust their excuses on the way they live their life.

To them, you’re dangerous.

Your actions demonstrate everybody has the power to create the life of their dreams. These friends can no longer tell themselves life will fall apart if they stop perfecting their resume. They can indeed quit their job before two years in or work half-time because there’s a creative career they want to pursue.

4. You Win New Friends

Once the people who can’t accept your decisions are gone, your emotional space frees up. You no longer hold on to people who want you to stay as you were. You’re available for new connections.

You’ll attract like-minded people. Your new tribe ultimately helps you overcome any remaining self-doubts.

You no longer feel insecure as you see more people made the decision you just took long before you. In sharing your experiences, you rise by lifting each other.

Your new friends will feel like an energy booster. Plus, they’ll lead you towards your unknown unknowns — destinations, mindsets, and lifestyles you never knew existed.

5. You Will Unlock Streams of Energy

What felt like a burden before suddenly becomes a joy. You’re looking forward to getting up. You love Mondays.

Once you dare to do your heartwork, work doesn’t feel hard anymore.

You might feel energy shoots that overwhelm you. There will be so many ideas new ideas flowing in. You don’t know where to start. But you don’t need to hurry. This new strain of energy is unlimited.

Will life be easy?

No. And yes.

You’ll still encounter hardships. You’ll have problems that initially feel unsolvable. There will still be tasks that bore you.

Plus, living in extreme self-ownership can also feel exhausting. You can’t blame anyone but yourself.

And yet, knowing that you made your life choices will add layers of freedom and energy to your life.

You’ll continue to reinvent yourself again and again.

Once you start living your life, you’ll never want to go back.

Stop making your decisions through the lens of your CV.

At the end of the day, you won’t need to justify your life for any recruitment or your parents. Instead, the only one who’ll judge your life is you.

So, what‘s the next choice you make?

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These 5 Life-Changing Books Are Worth Every Minute of Your Time

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Every single one can get through to you.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska from Pexels

These days, a lot of people focus on reading a specific number of books a year.

Yet, there’s a big fallacy in the quantification of reading. Mortimer J. Adler, an American philosopher, recognized this thinking error as early as 1940 when he wrote:

“In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you.”

Not all books are created equal, and most of the books on our want-to-read lists are not worth our time. I know because in the +170 books I read since 2017, most were mediocre.

What follows is a collection of five cherry-picked, timeless masterpieces that are worth every minute of your time. Every single one holds the potential to get through to you.

Viktor Frankl — Man’s Search for Meaning

This one is tough to handle. But if you manage to get through the lines of cruel reality in German concentration camps, you’ll pick up incredible life lessons.

Yes, you’ll also learn about Frankl’s psychological theory, logotherapy, which contends that humans are motivated by the search for meaning, not pleasure (Freud) or power (Adler).

But this masterpiece goes far beyond understanding holocaust or psychological theory. It’s one of the rare books that will change your perspective on life.

‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ will teach you how you can choose your response even in unbearable circumstances.

Plus, as Viktor Frankl was 100% confident he would anonymously publish this book, his lines are self-detached and ego-free, making reading it even more relatable.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

Paulo Coelho — The Alchemist

Coelho’s books were sold more than two million times in over 80 languages, and ‘The Alchemist’ is officially the most translated book of all time.

The key concept behind this book is to follow your dreams and let your heart guide you. This teaching sounds simple. Yet, the implicit hints towards the importance of your pasts give the book an additional depth.

Here’s a personal story to demonstrate the power of your past:

When I was a child, I wrote tiny stories on the pages of my Diddle diary every day. On my 13th birthday, I stopped this habit thinking it’s a childish thing to do. Fast forward to today, and I’m back on writing every day.

Reconnecting with your roots is a full circle of transformation. Because too often, we silence our deepest desires to follow society’s rules.

Yet, if your heart keeps on nudging you into another direction, you’ll only find happiness if you follow this pull. By reading Coelho’s classic, you’ll dare to listen to your inner voice and allow it to guide you through life.

“The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.”

Hermann Hesse — Narcissus and Goldmund

Literature Nobel Prize winner Hesse is best known for his books Siddhartha and Steppenwolf. And while all of his books revolve around an individual’s search for authenticity and self-knowledge, I loved this one the best.

‘Narcissus and Goldmund’ is a story of a young man, Goldmund, who quit a Catholic monastery school and wanders through Medieval Germany in search of life’s meaning.

The novel is both a journey and an awakening that will take you over the course of many decades and through brutally honest human emotions.

Even though this book has many layers — philosophy, existentialism, religion — it reads way easier than Hesse’s other books. And since the words are so relatable, this book will linger with you after it’s closing page and make you glad you’re a reader.

“I call that man awake who, with conscious knowledge and understanding, can perceive the deep unreasoning powers in his soul, his whole innermost strength, desire and weakness, and knows how to reckon with himself.”

John Strelecky — Big 5 for Life

It feels wrong to put a literary assassination attempt on the same list with Nobel Prize winners. But as the metaphor in ‘Big 5 for Life’ is so powerful, it will get through to you; I ask you to overlook its poor writing style.

So here’s the metaphor:

Imagine, somebody would catalog every one of your days, and on the day before you die, display the entire catalog in the museum of your life.

While this concept sounds romantic, the museum of life would look depressingly sad for an average person. From our 15 hours and 39 minutes awake time, most knowledge workers spend two thirds in front of screens.

So, after reading this book, you’ll reconsider how you spend every single minute of your time. You’ll understand the only shortcut to live the life of your dreams is to fill your days with activities worth portraying.

“Imagine what it would be like to walk through that museum toward the end of your life. To view the videos, listen to the audio, look at the pictures. How would you feel knowing that for the rest of eternity, that museum would be how you were remembered?”

Elizabeth Gilbert — City of Girls

If you didn’t like her previous novels ‘The Signature of All Things’ and ‘Eat Pray Love’ you still might love this one. It’s a wise women’s ode to female self-determination and sexual liberation.

City of Girls is set in the 40s in New York City and joyfully tells the story of an emerging adult born into a rich family. Surprisingly, the main character doesn’t follow social expectations but bluntly follows her free will.

This masterpiece is as close to multi-orgasmic as a book can get: once you start reading, you don’t want to stop anymore.

Gilbert’s writing is alive, intoxicating, vibrant, and lush. And by reading this page-turner, you’ll not only laugh out loud but also become motivated to live your best, authentic life.

“But I had never been an ardent fan of society, so I didn’t object to seeing it challenged. In fact, I delighted in all the mutiny and rebellion and creative expression.”

— Vivian in Elizabeth Gilbert’s City of Girls

In Conclusion

I won’t tell you knowledge is useless unless applied. I’ll also skip quoting Ratna Kusnur, who said, ‘Knowledge trapped in books trapped in books neatly stacked is meaningless and powerless until applied for the betterment of life.’

These masterpieces don’t require you to filter out action items to apply them to your life. These books are no self-help fluff.

Instead, these five books unfold their power because you read them. Their wisdom will stay with you long after finishing them.

So, what are you waiting for?

Pick the book that resonated the most with you, order it, start reading, and witness how the pages will get through to you.

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How to Start an NGO from Home

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An actionable guide for purpose-driven businesses

Photo by Vlada Karpovich from Pexels

In December 2019, we couldn’t have known that founding a remote NGO would turn out to be the only way to bring an idea to life in 2020.

What started with a social media post from one of our co-founders turned into a fast-growing nonprofit organization with a 20 people team and a 28% user growth rate.

As we’re a digital match-making platform for equal educational opportunity, the pandemic didn’t harm us. On the contrary, we have a strong, growing demand from students with non-academic families and an even faster-growing supply of supporting mentors.

Our world needs more purpose-driven businesses tackling education, climate change, or other social challenges. And as this story will reveal, starting from home can be a great opportunity to found an NGO.

I’m one of the co-founders, and I’ve been working on the core-team since day one. Together with the other founders, we analyzed our story and came up with an actionable guide on how to remotely start and scale a purpose-driven idea.

1. Sharing the ‘Why’ and ‘What’ on LinkedIn

To start an NGO, other people first need to know about the idea. Simon Sinek’s classic golden circle is a great way to structure the initial social media post.

In this manner, our co-founder Kevin articulated his idea on LinkedIn. A post that eventually would reach more than 234.000 people.

“Being the first in my family to go to uni, I faced multiple headwinds as higher education was not considered to be something one should aim for and could afford. What started as an experiment ended up in six years full of studying and working in Cologne, Shanghai, Frankfurt, Bangkok, Munich, Lisbon, and Milan.”

After empathetically sharing the why — his personal, educational path — he stated what he plans to do to tackle the problem:

“In 2020, I want to further work on a platform that aims at building a community to connect those who want to study as the first in their family with those who already did it. Your family background should not predetermine your educational path!”

I asked Kevin how much time it took him to craft this post and whether he expected virality. “I thought back and forth how exactly I’d write what I mean,” he said, “but I didn’t expect to recruit an entire team for my idea.”

So while one can never plan the effects of a social media post, this example demonstrates the importance of clear communication. By putting some hours into crafting a meaningful, personal post with a clear why and an achievable what, it’s likely one finds people who want to join forces.

The quality of a post often increases in direct proportion to how much time we spend crafting it. That’s why it makes sense to put work into the initial message.

2. Gathering A Group of Like-minded People

A shareable and likable post is a great lever to recruit people who want to work on a solution. After his post, Kevin received countless comments and messages from people who wanted to support or team-up.

To capture the momentum, he created a closed LinkedIn group and added all people who expressed interest. In retrospect, this move was genius. The group formation turned passive bystanders into direct idea stakeholders.

Once in the group, I felt I was part of meaningful creation. And many others must have felt the same way. When Kevin suggested doodling a kick-off call, 30 people joined.

To structure the conversation, we used a collaboration tool like Miro. As the picture shows, we wrote down the vision, the required task forces, and a rough timeline.

Screenshot of Miro Board by Author

With a protocol follow-up in the LinkedIn group and the opportunity to contribute to the Miro board, all idea stakeholders started with equal alignment. Plus, the transparent co-creation set the tone for the next steps.

3. Building a Self-Selected Core Team

After forming a common understanding within the LinkedIn group, it soon became clear we couldn’t effectively work on a 150 people team. Kevin could have started a formal selection process. But he didn’t. Instead, the core team formed through self-selection.

In Germany, one needs 7 founders to register an NGO officially. But instead of starting a competition, the communication was clear: Those who have time, and the drive, will become part of the core team. Those who don’t will remain supports and receive regular updates within the LinkedIn group.

When I asked Kevin about the selection process, he said: “I think there were 3–4 people who didn’t end up in the core team. Not because we pushed them out, but rather because they didn’t want to or didn’t have the drive themselves.” Reflecting on the formation, he concluded: “Self-selection is really the crucial point.”

Self-selection made our team diverse. Since the core team formation, it’s been a key asset to have a lawyer, a techie, an HR expert, a visual wizard, a sales guru, students, business developers, and process and strategy consultants in our team. What unites us is the joint mission to tackle education equality by creating a scalable product for students with non-academic backgrounds.

Within the first 11 months since our launch, we bootstrapped the business. We didn’t need to pay for external services. Remote founding has the benefits of large network effects. As we bring 12 different circles of friends, there’s always somebody who knows a person with the skills required to solve our next problem.

4. Setting a Launch Date for the MVP

Once the founding team was set, and we settled on communication tools and regular touchpoints. We had a bi-weekly Saturday morning call to discuss our progress. Yet, three months in, we got off-track.

“We were in a phase where things got vague,” my co-founder describes. “We always tried to develop further, to improve processes, but at the same time, many people lost their motivation because we had been working for long without visible results.”

To regain our drive, Kevin set a launch date for our minimum viable product. With a clear going-life date in mind, our team got back on track. We launched a website, set up a mentoring process, developed marketing strategies, created content, and built a community.

Today, three months after our launch date, we’ve more than 200 mentors, 80 mentees, and crossed the 50 match mark.

Number of mentees, mentors, and total matches; Screenshot by Author

Struggles Along The Way

While many things went smoothly, there were three key obstacles along the way. Here are the things only hindsight can reveal.

#1 Implement Slack as a Communication Platform

For most of the early days, we had all of our discussions on WhatsApp. Many ideas were lost. We should have switched to Slack earlier.

#2 Protocols and To-Do Lists

As within many organizations, many of our meetings were unproductive. While the talk time felt nice, we struggled (and still do) to have a team-wide agenda, protocol, and to-do list system.

#3 Expectation Management

As there was no formal recruiting process, and all of us work voluntarily, we never discussed how much time we expect each team member to contribute.

Key Takeaways

Starting from home can be an advantage for building an NGO. It helps you find and team with people you didn’t even know existed.

It forces you to focus on finding a vision worth building instead of fantasizing about vague ideas on societal improvements.

After all, your idea takes off or sinks. To increase your chances of success, remember:

  1. A well-crafted LinkedIn Post (including why and what).
  2. The formation of a large pool of like-minded people.
  3. Building a driven, self-selected core team.
  4. Setting an MVP launch date to increase team motivation.

Starting and building an NGO from home can work. Yet, it also takes work.

But who’s gonna make it work, if not you?

This Is Why Fiction Should Move Up On Your Reading List

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Here’s what research says

Photo by Michael Dziedzic on Unsplash

Do you feel reading fiction is a waste of your time?

You’re in good company: The most prosperous leaders suggest we should focus on non-fiction. Of the 102 books Bill Gates recommended over eight years, 90 were non-fiction. And from the 19 books Warren Buffett recommended in 2019, a mere 100% were non-fiction.

So, when it comes to reading, we are bought into the idea that reading for knowledge is the best reason to do so. Scientists, however, suggest that reading fiction outscores non-fiction on various levels.

Increased Emotional Intelligence

There are better ways to increase your EQ than reading Goleman’s non-fiction classic. In a Harvard study, researchers asked participants to either read fiction, non-fiction, or nothing. Across five experiments, those who read fiction performed better on identifying emotions encoded in facial expressions than the other groups.

“If we engage with characters who are nuanced, unpredictable, and difficult to understand, then I think we’re more likely to approach people in the real world with interest and humility necessary for dealing with complex individuals,” this studies’ lead author David Kidd, said in an interview.

Even if we don’t like to think about it, many of our social interactions follow given norms that are based on stereotypes. Meeting a teacher puts her in your brain’s default option for how teachers are like. This compartmentalization goes beyond professions, age groups, gender, and cultural background.

When reading fiction, however, we often experience a disruption of our expectations. The book forces us to bend our minds to understand the feelings or thoughts of a novel’s character, mainly if the character’s actions go against our pre-built stereotypes.

A 2014 study supports this mind-bending effect of fictional literature. Here, they found reading fiction leads to increased levels of empathy for individuals outside of your cultural community: “Reading narrative fiction appears to ameliorate biased categorical and emotional perception of mixed-race individuals.”

As a regular reader, you’ll likely remember a book that opened up your mind towards other cultures. After reading Tara Westover’s memoir, you’ll exactly understand how it feels to grow up in a Mormon family in off-grit Idaho. And on the opposite end, Elizbeth Gilbert’s latest novel allows you to experience life from a rich kid growing up in the 1940s, fighting her way to break free from social expectations, and finding her way to sexual liberation.

Better Decision Making

Again, we might think digesting the latest non-fiction books on decision-making will help us make smarter choices. Yet also, recent findings on the link between cognitive-closure and non-fiction reading prove us wrong.

By following logical, step-by-step guidance, we “reach a (too) quick conclusion in decision-making and an aversion to ambiguity and confusion,” researchers from the University of Toronto write in this study.

Individuals with a strong need for cognitive closure rely heavily on so-called early information cues. They are fixed on their opinion and struggle to change their minds upon newly presented information. People with closed minds also stop thinking about alternative explanations, making them more confident in their own initial and potentially flawed beliefs.

Fiction can reverse this effect: “When one reads fictional literature,” the scientists state, “one is encouraged to simulate other minds and is thereby released from concerns for urgency and permanence.” Surprisingly, the attributed benefit doesn’t depend on the quality of a text, but rather on the overall genre of literary non-fiction.

Professionals whose trainings depend on non-fiction, like lawyers and doctors, benefit the most from this effect. A physician, with an entire medical encyclopedia in her head, might (too) quickly identify a specific malady when additional symptoms point towards another one. Here, reading fictional books can help.

In the words of the researchers, “Given the suboptimal information processing strategies that result from the premature need for closure, exposure to literature may offer a pedagogical tool to encourage individuals to become more likely to open their minds.” In short, fiction can help us overcome cognitive closure and thereby, improve how we make decisions.

Why You Shouldn’t be Reading This

Finding scientific evidence for doing the things we enjoy is yet another form of internalized capitalism.

What if we allowed ourselves to prioritize joy over productivity?

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5 Simple Ways To Be Your Best Boss

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About health, productivity, environmental design, and much more.

Image: Author

Working for somebody else is easy. Working for yourself isn’t.

As a solopreneur, no one ever tells you what you should or shouldn’t do. There isn’t a scenario where somebody comes to your desk and says, “Now listen up: you finish this task by the end of the day, and we’re good. Continue like this for another 8 months, and you’ll get your promotion.”

While the absence of such a boss motivated employees to become self-employed in the first place, there are new challenges that come with extreme self-ownership and freedom.

And unless solopreneurs figure out the most important one — how to become the best boss for themselves — they find themselves back working for somebody else faster than they think.

Here are five things that will prevent you from going back to employment. Fundamentally, each one can turn you into your best boss.

Set a Hard Limit for Your Maximum Work Hours

Working as long as you can is no way to get more done. Consistently working too much will make you less productive.

Economists call this invariable drop the ‘law of diminishing returns.’ After you reach an optimal level of capacity, adding an additional input will eventually result in an output decline.

So after you’ve reached your maximum amount of productive hours, any additional hour will worsen your work output.

This is why Henry Ford reduced the 48-hour workweek to 40-hours. In his experiments, he found 40 to be the optimum number of hours for highly-productive workers. Working beyond 40 hours a week meant their productivity dropped.

This applies to factory workers, a 60-hour online hustler could argue.

Recent findings show, however, the optimum workload for knowledge workers could be even lower. Grace Marshall and Cal Newport write in their respective books on productivity and deep work that our capability for hyper-focused knowledge work is far lower than we might expect.

How many working-hours a week will maximize your long-term producitivy?

4? 20? 35? Productive solopreneurs who want to produce their best work set a hard limit for their maximum working hours. They don’t work for work’s sake. Once they reached their maximum working capacity, they stop.

Work From Places that Inspire You

Two decades ago, the well-known academic journal Science, published a study called Do Defaults Save Lives? Researches demonstrated that default choices significantly affect organ donation rates in different countries.

Then, behavioral scientists Thaler and Sunstein dug deeper and came up with findings that, in 2017, brought them the Nobel Prize in Economics.

In essence, both findings show that ‘choice architecture’ can nudge people toward desired decisions. So the question for solopreneurs is:

How can you design your work environment to influence your desired behavior?

Environment design is a hidden secret that determines whether you enjoy your work. A lot of what we attribute to success is the result of our environment. As a solopreneur, you are free to choose the location of your work.

A blanket in the park? A rooftop cafĂ© with a view over your city? The lobby of a hip hostel? Your dad’s office? A flex-desk in a fancy co-working space? The living room of your best friend?

If you want to be your best boss, make this choice a conscious one. Once you’re deliberate about designing your environments, you become the architect of your reality.

Or, as James Clear, author of Atomic Habits put it:

“Our behavior is not defined by the object in an environment but by our relationship to them. In fact, this is a useful way to think about the influence of environment on your behavior. Stop thinking about your environment as filled with objects. Start thinking about it as filled with relationships. Think in terms of how you interact with the spaces around you. For one person, her couch is the place where she reads for an hour each night. For someone else, the couches where he watches television and eats a bowl of ice cream after work.”

Design Your Personal Health Program

When you read through the routines of world-class performers, you see a common thread between their minds. Success seems to be intertwined with some form of physical and mental exercise.

Yet, too many self-employed working bees forget about this.

Whether it’s a sport, daily meditation, journaling, or going to the gym, being aligned with your mind and body will help you get through the mental marathons required to produce great work.

What habits will you schedule to protect your health?

As your best boss, you want to take ownership of your health. Just like Henry Ford wanted to keep his employees healthy, you want to look out for yourself. You’re generating 100% of your income, so you want to make your function.

Here’s how my health program looks like:

  • 5x Movement Sessions a Week (2x Yoga, 2x Gym, 1x Hike)
  • 7x 15-Minute Meditation a Week
  • 2x Sauna Visits a Month
  • 1–2x Health-Related Seminars a Month
  • 1x 60-Minute Shiatsu Massage a Month

To ensure there’s enough space in my calendar, I’ll block the activities 2–3 weeks in advance and make them non-negotiable.

Plus, instead of only thinking of exercise as a way of “getting fit,” I think of it as a routine that will help me excel in any aspect of my life.

By prioritizing your mental and physical health, you’ll become a better boss for yourself.

“The best investment you can make is an investment in yourself.”

— Warren Buffett

Build an Emergency Fund 6x Your Living Costs

As a solopreneur, you likely know how to make your money work for you. You know you shouldn’t save what is left after spending but spend what is left after saving. You know your salary won’t make you rich, but your spending habits will, and most importantly, you know the single best investment you can make is one in yourself.

But despite all your financial knowledge, have you ever worried about money instead of calmly sinking into your pillow?

I did. And it sucked.

As humans, we don’t like to lose things. Behavioral economist Daniel Kahneman names this ‘human loss aversion,’ meaning you prefer avoiding losses over acquiring equivalent gains. So the question is:

How much money do you need to break your fear of loss?

Once you build an emergency fund, 99% of your money worries will vanish. By having a safety net, you’ll still have something to live from if you lose a client or face a personal crisis.

Here are the three steps you need to take to build it:

  1. Open a separate account.
  2. Determine the money you need to survive for six months.
  3. Set an automatic transfer order and start saving.

Cherry Pick Your Co-Workers

Many people confuse solopreneurship with working alone. There’s a difference: Solopreneurs can choose whether they want to work alone or in a team.

Instead of being forced into a team and having to make friends with people you don’t look up to, they can decide whom to work with. They don’t need to make friends with co-workers they don’t respect.

Remember this rule of thumb: The 5 people you spend the most time with are a reflection of you.

If you surround yourself with people that are interesting, intelligent, warm, and driven, then those qualities will spill over to you.

So as a solopreneur, it’s even more important to take a look at whom you work with, as your self-selected co-workers are the people you spend the most time with.

With whome would you love to co-work?

Make a courageous move and reach out to them. If nobody comes to your mind, go to co-working spaces and cafĂ©s. By surrounding yourself with people you admire, you’ll enjoy your work even more.

Dr. Dre said it best:

“The people you surround yourself with can either be the rise or fall of your career.”

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How Would You Spend Your Time if Money Was No Object?

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Move closer to your authentic self.

Photo by Artem Podrez from Pexels

Knowing yourself doesn’t happen in an instant.

It happens through continuous inner work; by questioning yourself, and discovering single puzzle pieces to then, finally, putting the single pieces together to form a complete picture.

So, if you want to understand yourself, your values, your energy levels, or even your purpose on this planet, the question is not which books to read or which mentors to find. Instead, the question is:

“Which answers do I need to find that will allow me to discover the puzzle pieces that eventually, help me understand myself?”

1. What makes a ‘successful’ life for you? Why?

Most people never question their definition of success. They inherited their parents’ ideas, added a pinch of opinion when they finished school, and leave the picture untouched for the rest of eternity.

It takes courage to answer this question instead of blindly following society’s norms. More often than not, your answer sheds light on what psychologists call cognitive dissonance, meaning your actions contradict your beliefs.

You might have a specific success idea in mind but act in a way that pulls you away. Yet, once you take an honest account of your understanding of a successful life, you can adjust your actions.

Plus, according to this study, the definition of success varies over one’s lifespan. At 12, we want to be famous. At 17, own a fancy status symbol and five years later, accumulate all the money we can. In our mid-20s, success might equal a healthy lifestyle, and, after our phase of self-centeredness, we will equalize success with helping others.

And that’s what makes this question so powerful. By finding your answer in your current life phase, you’ll move one step closer to understanding yourself.

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”

— Mark Twain

2. How would you spend your time if you didn’t have to think about money?

This is a tough one. Earning money is the primary objective in our modern working world. By searching your answer to this question, you’ll explore spheres beyond your everyday orbit.

You won’t find your answer the first time you ask it.

But by revisiting this question, you’ll soon move past short-term vacation fluff. No, you don’t want to spend your life traveling through the Amazonas, joining Ayahuasca ceremonies while learning how to play the guitar.

That’s fine for a few weeks, or even months.

But you want to dig deeper.

What then? What comes after taking the vacation and seeing some new cultures? How would you spend your time if money wasn’t an issue? What would you be focusing on?

By thinking of answering this question, you’ll know more about your purpose than many people on this planet.

3. What gives you energy?

While the other questions were about deep thinking, this one is about observing. You want to take a closer look at your activities, environment, interactions, and objects.

The best way to find an accurate answer is a personal energy journal. For the next five days or so, make a list in your notebook (or whatever you’re using for your to-do list) and fill a simple, two-column table with the headlines activity and energy level.

Energy Tracker pictured by Author

Take an honest account of whether your activity elevated (+) or reduced ( — ) your energy level. Your answers to how you spend your days are the best insight, whether you’re engaging in the right kind of activities.

“For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”

— Steve Jobs

4. Around which people do you feel like yourself?

Robert Waldinger, a psychiatrist and former Harvard professor, analyzed the longest study on human happiness and proved relationships to be the most important part of our lives.

In the 1930s, researchers invited 19-year-old sophomores from Harvard and teenagers from the poorest neighborhoods of Boston to take part. For over 75 years, scientists did interviews, medical tests, and checked up on their subjects every two years to see how they were doing.

While many of us think fame, fortune, and hard work will bring us happiness, Robert proves us wrong. He highlights ingredients for our health and well-being:

  • having social connections is better for our health and well being
  • having higher-quality close connections is more important for our well-being than the number of connections
  • having good relationships is not only good for our bodies but also for our brains

So, knowing around which people you feel like yourself is by far the most critical step in finding the puzzles of your life.

By getting your relationships right, by surrounding yourself with people you genuinely care about, you’ll eventually move closer to your true self.

If You Only Build a Few Habits in 2022, Build These

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If you want to be your best self, here’s what you need to do.

Foto von Wallace Chuck von Pexels

How many new habits have you built this year?

Most people will answer this question with zero.

Because the majority stops learning once they leave formal education. They stick to outdated beliefs and trot along on their known life path.

And meanwhile, they complain. A lot.

They grumble about their lives. About working in jobs they don’t want, surrounded by people they don’t admire.

These people are so focused on their misery, and they forget one important truth: everybody can change.

We all deserve to live happy, healthy, and wealthy lives.

It’s in our hands whether we dare to step outside our known patterns and try something new. If you only build a few habits in 2020, build these.

1. Read One Book a Week

“In my whole life, I have known no wise people who didn’t read all the time — none, zero. You’d be amazed at how much Warren reads — and at how much I read.”

— Charlie Munger (Warren Buffett’s Business Partner)

Most people stop reading books once they leave high school. They might still read a lot. But text messages, e-mails, and news won’t make you wiser.

There’s a reason why Bill Gates, the second richest man in the world, took entire “think weeks” while being Microsoft’s CEO. He would travel to a small cabin and spend one week there alone, reading and thinking.

Books give you access to the smartest people on our planet. You can borrow the brains from ancient philosophers to modern business leaders. And, you can apply a book’s insights to your life.

Most of us can’t afford the luxury of disconnecting from life for an entire think week. But we can integrate reading into our everyday life.

I read one book a week for almost three years now, and it has changed my life for the better. And so can reading improve your existence.

Read one book a week, and you’ll find yourself on the fast track to a happier, healthier, and wealthier life.

2. Spend Less Than 1 Hour a Day On Your Phone

“Technology is a great servant, but a terrible master.”

— Stephen Covey

Most people forget how to protect their time. They give away junks of their lives to social media and entertainment apps.

They are constantly reacting to what’s happening around them and let other people dictate their days. By following the agenda of others, they’ll never live up to their potential.

To become successful, you want to do things unsuccessful people don’t do. By bringing the time you spend on your phone down to less than one hour, you’ll be doing what 99% of people are not doing.

Spending less than one hour on your phone will drastically improve your life. You’ll be reclaiming your time and taking control of your life.

If I had to choose one habit to build, it’d be this one. You’ll have so much of your life back.

In your newly won free time, you can create any other new habit you want to bring to your life — from building meaningful relationships to accelerating your career path.

Decreasing your screen time is hard, I know. But if I, a former Instagram addict, can do it, you can make this shift too.

3. Say Please and Thank You

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.”

— Melody Beattie

This one is tiny, yet so powerful. BrenĂ© Brown wrote in her book on vulnerability that scarcity is our culture’s version of post-traumatic stress.

Most people live in constant fear of not being or not having enough. They feel they’re unworthy and unconnected. They wander around in continuous anxiety.

They wake up and think about what’s lacking: sleep, time, money. Scarcity seems to be hardwired in our culture’s DNA.

It’s up to us whether we let scarcity ruin our days. To embrace the richness of life, we need to internalize the concept of gratitude.

The good thing is we don’t need to visualize gratitude to become a grateful person. All it takes is saying please and thank you.

By paying attention to small incidents in life, you’ll, step by step, bring more gratitude into your life.

4. Learn to Touch-Type

“Typing faster will change your life.” 
 — Niklas Göke

Even if you aren’t a writer, you’re a typer. You send e-mails and type search queries on a daily basis. And even though most people spend several hours a day in front of their computers, they work at a snail pace.

They waste hours of their lives because they navigate around their keyboard using three fingers, instead of all ten. And, most of the time ⌘+C/V is the only shortcut they know.

You might question whether such tiny actions will make a difference in your life. I promise they will.

You’ll bring a 3-second action down to a 1-second action. And because you repeat those actions hundreds of times each day, you’ll save hours a day.

Yes, learning touch typing will at first slow you down. But ultimately, you’ll get your time back. By learning to touch type, you’ll save hours a day. You’ll 10X your productivity while clearing up space for your free time.

I type 107 words per minute — can you beat me?

5. Reveal Your Vulnerable Side

Perfectionism is an illness of our society. And it’s terribly dull. In her book about imperfection BrenĂ© Brown, pinned down the core of perfectionism.

Reading the following lines, I felt she was talking right to my heart:

“Perfectionism is a defensive move. It’s the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around, thinking it will protect us, when in fact it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen.”

“Perfectionism is not self-improvement. Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval.”

“Most perfectionists grew up being praised for achievement and performance (grades, manners, rule following, people pleasing, appearance, sports). Somewhere along the way, they adopted this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. Please. Perform. Perfect.”

“Perfectionism is not the key to success. In fact, research shows that perfectionism hampers achievement.”

So let’s practice to share what we’re struggling with. Meaningful connections in relationships can only foster when you’re true to each other.

Let’s dare to be vulnerable. Yes, daring to be seen is risky, I know. We expose ourselves to external judgment. Yet, we can only experience the beauty and richness of life if we show up with all we got and let ourselves be seen.

6. Learn to Say No

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

— Warren Buffett

We all know focus leads to greater success. Yet, most people dilute their focus by saying yes when they should be saying no.

Whether we are driven by the fear of missing out or by the urge of pleasing others, saying yes too often weakens our personality.

Because the more often you say yes, the weaker your yes becomes. If you have 10 nuggets a day and say yes to 10 different things, you can give each thing one of your nuggets. If you only say yes to one thing, you can give it all of your have.

Nuggets are your time and energy. You only have a limited amount. And saying no is a skill you can learn, a habit you can build.

When delivered with respectfulness and tact, a “no” can be a fast track to a focused, better life.

7. Build Resilience

“Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”

— Nelson Mandela

2020 is a great year to practice resilience. With a global pandemic, we continue to have plenty of change in our lives.

Resilience is not about who we are, but about what we think. By using cognitive restructuring, we can reframe our thoughts about reality.

Resilience is not a fixed personality trait — as with most things in life, you can learn it through deliberate practice.

By training your mind to embrace the changes in life, you develop your muscle for overcoming obstacles. So let’s learn to persist in the face of struggle.

Pick What Resonates

You can live the life of your dreams.

And you’re capable of achieving a lot more than you think. By building these new habits, you can move one step closer to your best self.

All you need is to start with something.

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How To Do a Digital Detox to Reclaim Your Focus

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Where your attention goes, your energy flows.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels

It’s been 13 years since the invention of the iPhone, and by now, we’re well aware of the downsides of using too much technology.

We know digital devices can harm our physical and mental health. We’ve read the studies about social media and its association with anxiety, depression, and psychological distress.

And yet, most people continue to refresh their news feeds on LinkedIn, Instagram, or Facebook as if they didn’t know.

These people hijack their ability to do anything meaningful with their lives. While they feel they’re working, for example, they do nothing more than shallow work.

“Technology is a great servant, but a terrible master.”

— Stephen Covey

And while 99% of technology users distract themselves from the things that would change their lives for the better, you can decide here and now to take back control of your attention.

By doing a digital detox once in a while, you’ll set yourself up for a happier, healthier, and more meaningful life.

Here’s what it is, why you should do it, and how you can do a detox from the comfort of your home.

What is a ‘Digital Detox’?

A digital detox is a short-term intervention, and contrary to daily habits, is done once in a while. The duration is up to you (more on that in a few sentences).

During a digital detox, you quit your modus operandi. You stop relying on your brain’s default network. You step away from the screens and step into the clarity of your mind.

During a digital detox, you give your eyes and brain a break. You can use it as an opportunity to reduce stress. You can focus on social interaction in the physical world or use the space for inner work.

Why You Should Try A Digital Detox

By doing a digital detox, you’ll reap countless benefits along the way. And while they are powerful and simple in themselves, they have a positive impact on other areas of your life.

#1. You’ll Connect With Yourself

When you’re staring at your screen, you’re unable to feel your body.

While I love to write every morning for some hours, I’d be lying if I’d say my body loves it. I can’t connect with my body when I focus on a screen.

Any online stimulus, like a dopamine shot from a LinkedIn notification, can distract you from your body’s signals. We lose any mind and body connection.

By saying no to your screens, you’ll say yes to your body. You’ll not only notice how you feel but also have the time to do things that make you feel good.

Stop looking at your screen and start looking inside yourself. Connect with how you’re feeling and read your signs for change.

Paying attention to your feelings instead of your phone will upgrade the course of your life. Promise.

“Disconnecting from our technology to reconnect with ourselves is absolutely essential.”

— Arianna Huffington

#2. You’ll Live Your Days with a Clear Mind

Inner peace and joy come from living in the present moment. By refraining from technology, we create the environment to really enjoy and see what’s happening in front of us.

I checked my phone first thing in the morning for a decade. It wasn’t until I made the first digital detox that I experienced the power of not using technology.

Since then, I write every morning for three undistracted hours. And by undistracted, I mean no phone, no social media, no e-mail.

Our mind works at best when we give it space to unfold.

By using digital detox, you can realign your attention on what matters to you.

By leaving all your distractions shut, you’ll be able to center your focus on the things that bring meaning to your life.

“What we choose to focus on and what we choose to ignore, play in defining the quality of our life.”

— Cal Newport

#3. You’ll Protect Your Time

Too often, we give away our time without realizing it’s a highly restricted resource. Time is the most precious thing you have and it’s ticking away with every second.

Everything you consume, information, news, messages, notifications food, shape your days, and ultimately your life.

And while it’s easier than ever to let let Instagram, Netflix, or Youtube rob your time, these services won’t improve the quality of your life.

By doing a digital detox, you’ll be treating your time in a way that it deserves to be treated.

You control what you spend your days on. It’s you who determines whether you control technology or let technology control you.

“No person hands out their money to passersby, but to how many do each of us hand out our lives! We’re tightfisted with property and money, yet think too little of wasting time, the one thing about which we should all be the toughest misers.”

— Seneca

Photo by Sarah Dorweiler on Unsplash

How You Can Do a Digital Detox

So, you know about the meaning of digital detox and the benefits that come along with it. It’s time to apply this intervention to your life: How do you conduct a digital detox?

#1. Decide what you’re going to detox from

Before starting your detox, be clear about what you’re abstaining from. This will look different for everyone.

Here’s some inspiration of what I include in my digital detox:

  • Smartphone 
    This one is the game-changer. In my first detox, I tried to use it in flight mode to add some music to my time. Again, I was tricked into some other apps. 
    Every time I switch off my smartphone completely.
  • Computer
    While I use my computer mainly for work, I also include it in my digital detox. I didn’t want to have the temptation to open a side tab on LinkedIn to check a message quickly.
  • Kindle 
    This one is tricky. It’s not really a device that distracts me, but I feel I want to refrain from everything that has a screen. So no Kindle for me during my digital detox.

Once you have decided on what to detox from, you’re ready for step two.

#2. Set a specific time frame

This one is critical. Unless you have a clear goal in mind, you’ll find yourself on your computer and smartphone faster than you can imagine.

My first digital detox failed not only because of my smartphone’s flight mode but also because I wasn’t clear on this one.

I thought I’d go for on so long that it feels good.

Turns out this was a bad choice.

By setting a specific time frame, you have a clear goal in mind. For a starter, you can aim for 5 hours and gradually increase the length as it feels right for you (and as your work allows).

My digital detox range from 3 hours to 21 days. There’s no right or wrong duration. And any length is better than none.

#3. Plan what you’ll do instead

In the end, you’re not detoxing to punish you. You’re not using technology to reclaim your focus.

Here are some suggestions what you can do while fasting on your digital devices:

  • write a journal entry
  • take a bath
  • envision your 5, 10, 20-year future
  • create a vision board
  • clean your apartment
  • create some art
  • meditate
  • read a physical book
  • go out in nature
  • cook and eat with full presence
  • work out or stretch
  • write letters to people you love

Whatever you decide to do, make it something you genuinely enjoy.

And think about an offline treat you can do when you want to get up and pick your phone. Thereby, you’ll set yourself up for a successful digital detox.

“If we don’t create and control our environment, our environment creates and controls us.”

— Marshall Goldsmith

Final Note

In 2020 it’s a luxury to refrain from technology for a longer period. To do a digital detox:

  • Decide which devices you will detox from
  • Determine the duration of your detox
  • Map out what you can do instead

Yet, we’re so used to using our devices every minute that the idea can feel daunting first.

Don’t ever let any post make you feel overwhelmed because you’re not practicing all the suggested steps.

This article is here to help you live a more intentional life — not to let you feel bad.

Use these ideas as a source of inspiration and brainstorm what might help you to live a happier, healthier, and joyful life.

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29 Keyboard Shortcuts That Will Save You One Hour A Day

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To boost your productivity, stop using your trackpad.

Photo by Yingchih on Unsplash

Most people waste hours of their lives because ⌘+C/V is the only shortcut they use. I was one of those people and made time-wasting gestures like

  • using the trackpad to switch between active windows instead of ⌘-tabbing
  • scrolling the page instead of pressing the space bar
  • using the cursor to open a new browser window instead of using ⌘ + T

You might question whether such tiny actions will make a difference in your life. I promise they will.

You’ll bring a 3-second action down to a 1-second action. And because you repeat those actions hundreds of times each day, you’ll save an hour a day.

This advice primarly applies to Mac Users.

Navigate Through Your Browser In Lightspeed

Much of the work at our laptops takes place within a browser. And while the discussion on Safari vs. Chrome will likely continue forever, these browser commands work for both browsers.

⌘ + L

This one is so simple but so impactful. We’re continually visiting new websites and wasting our time with manual cursor navigation.

With ⌘ + L you select the address bar (the place in your browser where you type in any web address). Then, start typing the website you’re looking for, and select the right suggestion using the up/down arrows.

⌘ + T

This one opens a new tab for you. You can use this one anytime you want to open a new website inside of your existing browser window.

Once you opened a new tab, make sure to use ⌘ + L to type in your web address (instead of using your trackpad).

⌘ + N

This shortcut opens a new tab in a new browser window. I use this one anytime I start working on a new task.

Again, once you opened a new window, make sure to use ⌘ + L to type in your web address (instead of using your trackpad).

⌘ + ⇧ + T

This is a life-saver. It’s the ⌘+Z of your browser. It will open a tab you recently closed.

Whenever you accidentally closed a window, make sure to remember this shortcut.

⌘ + Option + â–ș or â—€

Navigate to the next and the previous tabs. This one is really powerful if you work with one monitor. It’ll guide you to the different windows in your browser, saving you three seconds each time you use it.

If you’ve never used this one, try it out now. You’ll be astonished about its simplicity and speed.

⌘ + 1
8

This one is also for tab navigation. You’ll navigate to a tab # (count form the left). For example, ⌘ + 1, will take you to the first tab in your browser.

I prefer to use the previous shortcut because I don’t want to use my brainpower to count which window I want to open. The only time I use it is when I am writing in a text document.

There are other ones like Ctrl + Tab or Ctrl + Shift + Tab to navigate between the tabs, but I’ll ignore them. It’s enough to know one option and stick to it.

⌘ + ⇧ + N

This opens a new private window for you. Yet, don’t confuse incognito windows with data privacy.

Still, this shortcut is useful when you’re searching for something you don’t want to appear in your browser history.

⌘ + Y

Open and close your browser history. This one is practical if you’re researching a lot. It’s way faster than clicking on settings and navigating manually to your history. ®

Spacebar

When you press the spacebar while reading, you’ll move your window down one screen. This one replaces endless scrolling.

Whenever you’re reading a text but are too lazy to scroll, you can use this one.

⇧ + Spacebar

This is just the opposite shortcut to the previous one. It will move your window up one screen.

⌘ + R

This is how you can reload a page. I only use ⌘ + R if a page isn’t loading, or if I need to sign up somewhere that needs meticulous timing.

Use These Shortcuts To Boost Your Writing Speed

Working at a screen makes you a daily writer. Whether it’s e-mails, text files, or presentations — you write all the time. Here are ten powerful shortcuts for text navigation and text selection.

Text Navigation

When using these shortcuts, you’ll navigate through your text like a writing ninja. Here are my five personal favorite time-savers when it comes to maneuvering within your text:

⌘ + Left Arrow â—€

Jump to the beginning of a line.

⌘ + Right Arrow â–ș

Jump to the end of a line.

Option + Right Arrow â–ș

Jump to the beginning of the current word

⌘ + Up Arrow â–Č

Jump to the beginning of the entire text.

⌘ + Down Arrow â–Œ

Jump to end of all text.

Text Selection

Apart from navigating within a text, you’ll also need to highlight specific passages. This is powerful, while proofreading, researching, or editing.

The great news is you don’t need to remember new combinations. It’s the same logic as for text navigation. You just add a shift key to the above shortcuts.

Here are five shortcuts that will allow you to select words, lines, or entire documents quickly.

⇧ + ⌘ + Left Arrow â—€

Select text to the beginning of a line.

⇧ + ⌘ + Right Arrow â–ș

Select text to the end of a line.

⇧ + Option + Right Arrow â–ș

Select text to the end of the current word.

⇧ + ⌘ + Up Arrow â–Č

Select text from the current cursor location to the beginning of all text.

⇧ + ⌘ + Down Arrow â–Œ

Select text from the current cursor location until the end of all text.

Basic Commands for Your Mac

Lastly, here are some basic commands you can use on your mac and multiple other programs.

⌘ + Z

Undo. This is the command we’d love to have in real life as well. By pressing ⌘ + Z you can undo what you just did. This shortcut will save your ass.

It works for many programs: Whether you’ve accidentally deleted a file, applied a video filter you don’t like, or erased pages of carefully crafted writing.

⌘ + W

Close. This is a universal keyboard shortcut for closing whatever window or file you currently have open.

⌘ + Q

Quit apps. When you click the red “x” in the top-left corner of an application window, it does not only take way too much of your precious time.

In fact, macOS won’t actually close the program altogether. Instead, it will minimize the app to the dock. By using ⌘ + Q you’ll quit your programs.

⌘ + â‡„

Switch between programs. Using ⌘ + ⇄ allows you to save time every time you switch between different programs.

Spotify → Browser → InDesign. Instead of searching for windows with your trackpad, this keyboard shortcut allows you to flip between apps without your hands leaving the keyboard.

⌘ + M

Minimize the front window. While ⌘ +Q was the shortcut for your red button, this one is for the yellow one. It won’t close but minimize your front window.

⌘ + P

Print. Simple and straightforward. Whether you’re in your browser or in a text document, this keyboard shortcut will open the print settings.

⌘ + A

Select all content. This one makes you select everything that’s one specific page. It’ll save you scrolling and highlighting.

⌘ + F

Find a word within the opened file. This shortcut allows you to quickly jump down to a specific part of a website or long document when you know what you are searching for.

Practice & Use What You Need

The best articles only improve your life if you apply what you read. Here’s how you can integrate the new shortcuts into your life:

  • write down your five favorite new commands on a piece of paper
  • place that physical paper next to your keyboard
  • keep it there for five days until you feel like you internalized the shortcuts

You don’t need a productivity coach to use your time effectively. Instead, you can save an hour a day by being smart about your keyboard.

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6 Negative Habits to Break to Help Stop Your Phone Addiction

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If you want to reclaim your time, here’s what you need to do.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

How often do you find yourself staring at your phone? If you’re like my former-self, your answer will go along the lines of “all the time.” No matter how hard you try to spend less time on your phone, your screen seems to glue your eyes to it. You can’t escape this magnetism. Phone addiction sucks.

End of 2017, Cal Newport inspired me to drastically reduce my screentime. Since then I’ve tested different approaches. I discovered the best way to stop phone addiction is by letting go of specific habits.

Here is a collection of behaviors you must break to minimize the time you spend on your phone. Every single principle helped me to reclaim my time. I hope it does the same for you.

Waking Up to Your Smartphone Alarm

When I woke up to my phone’s alarm, all social apps were only a fingertip away. Naturally, I let external information flow into my mind before I realized I did. I was among the 80% of smartphone users who check their phones within 15 minutes of waking up. I’d scroll through my Insta feed, read the news, or reply on Messenger before getting out of bed.

In 2018 I replaced my phone with an alarm clock. And this changed everything. Now, my phone charges outside of my bedroom. By using an alarm clock instead of your phone, you don’t need to exert your willpower muscle first thing in the morning. You’ll ease into your distraction-free morning. Or, as the humble genius Michael Thompson put it,

“Some mornings will be easy. The sun will shine, and you’ll feel good. Other days will be much darker. You can’t control everything that happens to you. You can, however, make some changes to wake up feeling a little bit brighter.”

Using Social Media Apps

I’m honest with you: I deleted all of my social media apps only to reinstall them a few weeks later. I needed to abandon them a second time until I finally stuck to it. Researchers continue to link social media usage to mental and physical illnesses like back pain, depression, anxiety, and even suicide-related thoughts.

If you’re trying to live a happier, healthier life, deleting your social media apps from your phone is the fastest track to get there. Removing social media from your phone will reduce the role these platforms play in your life. You can still access them through the desktop version. Yet you’ll soon realize you don’t need them as much as you thought. You won’t even miss them. In Cal Newport’s words:

“What we choose to focus on and what we choose to ignore, play in defining the quality of our life.”

Carrying Your Phone in Your Pocket

One of the critical habits I ignored for too long was carrying my phone with me all the time. When you’re phone is within a hands reach, you can’t withstand the temptation to check it. Smart engineers designed notifications to capture and hold your attention. When I quit taking my phone with me, the urge to check it stopped as well.

Leave your phone away from you whenever you can. Don’t take it with you when you meet friends, go to the gym, or go grocery shopping. When you’re at home, put your phone in silent mode on the window seat. In 2020, being unreachable is a luxurious treat. Take it whenever you can.

Relying On A Mobile To-Do List

A big mistake I made was using Wunderlist for my tasks. I sabotaged my plan for spending less time on my phone by needing the phone to be productive. End of 2017, I started to bullet journal. It was the first analog To-Do list I ever used. Now, I can never imagine to replace it with a digital equivalent. The system is simple, minimalistic, and distraction-free.

Any other offline To-Do list will likely do the same trick for you. By replacing your mobile tasks with a pen and paper, you’ll have one reason less to take your phones to your hands.

Turning On Notifications

In 2007 my heart jumped every time I saw an envelope on my Nokia 3410. It might have been my first boyfriend spending 0.19 cents to send me a 160-sign-short text. In 2020, a blank lock screen gives me chills. Not because nothing is happening in my life. It’s rather a feeling of freedom and the realization that I determine when and how I use my phone. Stephen Covey got it right when he said:

“Technology is a great servant, but a terrible master.”

Using Your Phone For Entertainment

Cellphone companies try to turn your phone into a television. They make deals with Netflix or offer data packages when you use certain streaming providers. While this is good for the companies profits, it’s you who pays the price. Time is the most valuable resource you have. Choose wisely how you spend it.

By deleting all entertainment apps, like games or streaming providers, you’ll be living your life, instead of staring at your screen. In the words of Ryan Holiday:

“Because it’s my life and it’s ticking away every second. I want to be there for it, not staring at a screen.”

The Bottom Line

You can end your phone addiction today. All it takes are a few decisions:

  • Get an alarm clock and charge your phone outside of your bedroom.
  • Delete all social media apps and only use a desktop version.
  • Keep your phone at home whenever you can.
  • Start an analog To-Do list.
  • Turn off all sounds and notifications.
  • Use other entertainment options than your phone.

Instead of feeling discouraged by all the ideas about what you should do to stop your phone addiction, enjoy experimenting at your own pace. Choose one or two new habits until you find a pattern that helps you to use your time in meaningful ways.

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These 4 Concepts by Brené Brown Can Make You Shame-Resilient

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And improve your emotional literacy.

Photo by Victor L. from Pexels

Shame is toxic. Again and again, researches demonstrate the link between shame and addiction, depression, eating disorders, bullying, and suicide. And even though we know about the harmful effects of shame, it continues to exist in our classroom, workplaces, and homes.

Chances are high you’re among thė 85% of people who have experienced a shaming incidence at school that was so devastating it forever changed how you perceived yourself.

During the past decades, Brené Brown dug into the shame trauma from thousands of people. She was able to identify a pattern all shame-resilient people have in common.

Brené demonstrates how all of us can better cope with shame. And the solution is easier than you think: expanding your emotional vocabulary.

Once you know the difference between the following four concepts — shame, guilt, humiliation, and embarrassment — you’ll be able to see and label your emotions as they arise. You’ll become resilient towards your feelings of shame.

Shame Is About Yourself

When we feel shame, we think we’re unworthy of connection. We might have done or not done something that makes us a worse human.

Brené defines shame as the painful feeling of believing we are flawed and, therefore, unworthy of love and belonging.

Here are common things we say to ourselves when experiencing shame:

“There’s something inherently wrong with me.”

“I screw up things, I am a bad person.”

“I’m so stupid for not studying.”

“I’m sorry, I am a mistake.”

When we’re experiencing shame, we want to run away from anything that’s causing this feeling. Shame leaves us paralyzed and makes us think we don’t add value to the world.

This feeling of unworthiness makes shame so toxic. It fuels our deep fear of being not good enough. Experience enough of it over time, and you’ll make yourself so small you may as well not exist.

“Shame erodes our courage and fuels disengagement.”

— BrenĂ© Brown in The Power of Vulnerability

Guilt Is About Your Choices

In contrast to shame, guilt is not self-focused. It’s about your actions, rather than your personality.

BrenĂ© defines guilt as feeling bad about something you have said or done or failed to say or do. When you feel guilty you’re holding your actions against your values and experiencing a psychological discomfort.

Here’s the self-talk we have while experiencing guilt:

“I can’t believe I didn’t study. Not studying was such a bad thing to do.”

“I’m a good person, but I made a bad choice.”

Do you spot the profound difference between shame and guilt?

While shame self-talk is self-destructive, guilt is action-focused, adaptive, and helpful.

When we see our actions don’t match our intentions, we feel uncomfortable. Yet, this psychological discomfort often motivates us. It steers us in a positive direction, without downgrading our self-worth.

“The difference between shame and guilt lies in the way we talk to ourselves. Shame focus on self, while guilt focus on behavior.”

— BrenĂ© Brown in Daring Greatly

With Humiliation, You Know You Don’t Deserve It

Humiliation is much better than shame since we don’t talk ourselves down. This feeling arises because of circumstances that have nothing to do with our actions.

Brown states the difference between humiliation and shame is that we don’t believe we deserve our humiliation.

Here’s your self-talk when you’re experiencing humiliation:

“This person doesn’t know how to handle things. I don’t deserve this.”

“This is unfair to do to me. It’s not my fault.”

A police officer recently stopped me and said I’d crossed a red light. Even though I attest to the fact the light was green, he made me pay 30€. I didn’t feel guilt or shame — I felt humiliated.

Shame and guilt can feel like humiliation, but with the latter, the “not-deserving” part helps us to not buy into the message. We won’t identify with what has happened to us.

With Embarrassment, You Know You’re Not Alone

Embarrassment is a feeling of discomfort and luckily, doesn’t last very long. When we have the courage to laugh at ourselves, moments of embarrassment can actually be fun.

What differentiates embarrassment from the other emotions is that when we do something embarrassing, we know we’re not the only ones who have done that thing.

Here’s what we think when something embarrassing is happening:

“That’s awkward, but I know I’m not the only one who has ever done that.”

“Ouch. I know this has happened to somebody else before.”

Shame makes us feel we’re all alone in this. When we do something embarrassing, it can even be hilarious shortly after the moment has passed. It goes away quickly, and it doesn’t make you question your self-worth.

The last time I felt embarrassed, I was wearing a white skirt, sitting in the library, and unexpectedly got my period. I felt awkward walking past other people with a red spot on my skirt. Yet, quickly afterward, I was able to laugh about it.

“If you own this story you get to write the ending.”

—BrenĂ© Brown in Daring Greatly

How You Can Cope With Shame

By now, you’ve figured out guilt, embarrassment, and humiliation are okay. Yes, these feelings are uncomfortable, but you can manage them.

What you want to be cautious of is the feeling of shame — the emotion which downgrades your self-worth and harms your growth mindset.

When you or your loved ones feel shame, there are two things you should do:

  • Be Self-Compassionate
    Treat yourself with kindness and talk to yourself like you would speak to someone you love or care about.
  • Offer Empathy
    Connect with the people around you, so they know they’re not alone in this struggle. Share your experiences with shame and make them feel understood.

Conclusion

Emotions are different for all of us. What’s shaming for me might be embarrassing for you. How you experience emotions depends on your story, your history, and your expectations.

Yet, by knowing the differences between shame, guilt, humiliation, and embarrassment, you’ll increase your emotional intelligence.

  • When you feel shame, you make the experience about yourself.
  • When you experience guilt, you know it’s about your behavior.
  • When you sense humiliation, you know you don’t deserve it.
  • When you feel embarrassed, it passes quickly and feels funny afterward.

Let’s get away from a culture of shame and embrace the power of self-compassion and empathy.

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7 Quotes By Ryan Holiday That Will Change How You Live Your Life

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If applied, they can improve your entire existence.

Photo by Arthur Yeti on Unsplash

Most people introduce Ryan Holiday as the Marketing Director at American Apparel at age 21. Some would add that Benjamin Hardy, PhD, and Tim Ferriss hired him to improve their books.

I’d suggest we forget about his achievements in business. Instead, let’s think of Ryan Holiday as the philosophical translator of our time.

Thoreau once said, Philosophy is about solving the problems of life, not theoretically, but practically. That’s precisely what Ryan does. He makes ancient philosophy applicable to our lives.

Probably it’s because he read the same book 100 times over 10 years that he understands stoic thinkers — Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, Seneca — like no other 1987-born person does.

In 2019, his wise lines on time management inspired me to change my life for the better. That’s why I bought and devoured his recent books: The Obstacle is the Way (2014), Ego is the Enemy (2016), and Stillness is the Key (2019).

And as I believe the insights from this book can change any life for the better, here are my favorite quotes, including why they are relevant and how you can apply them.

“Many Relationships and Moments of Inner Peace Were Sacrificed on the Altar of Achievement.”

Social networks allow us to connect with the world. Yet, they also allow us to compare ourselves with more than 3.6 billion people on this planet.

There will always be people in your network who achieve more than you do. So-called high achievers posting impressive job updates on LinkedIn. Or hustlers sharing intimidating morning routines on their Instagram stories.

Let’s take the hard truth: By comparing ourselves against the achievements of others, we will never feel real satisfaction. Because we’ll always be reminded of more: do more, earn more, own more, achieve more.

We add unachievable items to our ever-growing to-do lists.

We prioritize work over a walk with a friend.

We postpone family catchups.

And while we’re so focused on more, we often neglect our relationships and inner peace. At the end of the day, we feel burned out and empty.

How to apply this quote:

We can stop our hamster race by replacing the altar of achievement with an altar of compassion. When we go through the world with an open heart, there’s no room for ceaseless striving.

Let’s get comfortable with the concept of good enough. Doing something good enough trumps doing something perfectly.

Start a gratitude journal and focus on the abundance in your life. By jotting down the things you’re grateful for — physical and mental health, a caring partner, warm summer sun — there’s no space for unhealthy wanting.

“People Who Don’t Read Have No Advantage over Those Who Cannot read.”

I wish I could spend five minutes with my younger self. What I’d tell the young Eva is to read every damn day. I’d tell her books to carry the wisdom of humanity, and that life is better when you turn into an avid reader.

Wanting to live a happy life without reading books is the same as you wanting to learn a new language without looking at the vocabulary.

In any language, we need a vocabulary to form proper, meaningful sentences. And to live a meaningful life, we need insights and wisdom from ancient philosophers and the great thinkers of our time.

By reading books, we learn the vocabulary of life.

Books allow us to access the minds of the world’s greatest philosophers, humble startup founders, and war survivors. It’s in books where we find the greatest wisdom, the best advice for any life situation.

Yet, unless we read, we close ourselves from the benefits of any book. If we don’t read, we have no advantage over illiterate people.

How to apply this quote:

Make reading a habit. Seriously. Abandon your phone from your sleeping room and, instead, take a book to your hands. That’s how I read 52 books a year for two years.

In case you need extra motivation, go to a bookstore, or browse through Goodreads. Create a want-to-read list. Start a book club. Get inspired by avid readers, like Bill Gates.

“When Your Life Is Solely and Exclusively About Yourself It’s Worse than Not Fun — It’s Empty and Awful.”

With all the self-help fluff out there, it’s tempting to think the universe revolves around you. Many people treat self-improvement like a religion.

What they forget is that we don’t rise by lifting ourselves.

Instead, we rise by lifting others.

In 2013, I forgot about this essential principle. I thought I’d be better than any other person on this planet. I only consumed higher, further, faster content without reflecting on it.

And that’s why I love this quote so much. My own experience showed me it’s true. When you inflate your ego and make life all about yourself, you’ll feel empty and awful in the end.

How to apply this quote:

No matter where you’re in life, remember to be humble. Connect your presence to the lives of others. Center your activities around the needs of others.

Look out for tiny acts of care. Carrying a bag, offering help, doing things that need to be done, but that nobody else wants to do.

And no matter what you’re doing: Remember that you are no better or worse than any other being on earth.

“Give More. Give What You Didn’t Get. Love More. Despite Any Old Story. Try It, If You Can”

Huh? How the hell can you give what you didn’t get?

Too often, we’re slaves to our storylines. We feel we were deprived of something in our childhood — praise, love, encouragement. We secretly wish to reengineer how we grew up.

Yet, fantasizing about what should have happened only makes you feel worse. Regretting your past keeps you from enjoying the present. If you want the best, the world has to offer, offer the world your best.

How to apply this quote:

Stop pitying yourself. Ditch old stories that no longer serve you. Let go of any anger towards your caregivers. Lewis Smedes once said:

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

Free yourself from negative storylines and, instead, give what you didn’t get. Step by step, day by day, create the story of your present life.

“Mental and Spiritual Independence Matter Little If the Things We Own in the Physical World End up Owning us.”

This one is essential. When I prepared this article, most quotes resonated with me in terms of internal mindsets, this quote, however, goes beyond our mindsets.

Most of us own too much stuff. We spend money on things we don’t need to buy things that end up owning us.

Every material thing we own ties us down. Expensive phones come with insurance, big gardens with gardeners we need to pay, an urban jungle plant with a special treatment that’s required.

Everything you own blocks mental and physical space.

How to apply this quote:

Get rid of everything you don’t need: Clothes, decoration, food, clutter. Take an afternoon and a big box. Here’s an excellent visualization for every part of your house or apartment you can declutter.

“Leisure Is Not the Absence of Activity, It Is Activity. What Is Absent Is Any External Justification.”

Too often, we transfer the achievement mindset to our free time.

Do a fancy panty yoga session to tell your co-workers about it?

Or should you go to the gym to burn some calories?

Instead of allowing time for leisure, we put additional weight on our shoulders. We feel bad if we can’t keep up with the sports portfolio of our fittest friends.

Leisure doesn’t mean we should watch Netflix from the comfort of our homes. What it means is to enjoy activities in the absence of any external justification.

How to apply this quote:

Find a hobby you genuinely enjoy. An activity you don’t do to achieve something or to impress someone. Find something that you love doing.

“Always Think About What You’re Really Being Asked to Give. Because the Answer Is Often a Piece of Your Life, Usually in Exchange for Something, You Don’t Even Want. Remember That That’s What Time Is. It’s Your Life, It’s Your Flesh and Blood, That You Can Never Get back.”

We live in the misconception that we have plenty of time left. With a life expectancy of around 80 years, 20 minutes here and there seem infinitesimal.

Yet, when accumulated, those minutes turn to hours, into days, and ultimately your life. Seneca once wrote how stupid many of us are when it comes to time:

“No person hands out their money to passersby, but to how many do each of us hand out our lives! We’re tightfisted with property and money, yet think too little of wasting time, the one thing about which we should all be the toughest misers.”

I don’t like admitting it, but I used to fall into this group. I’d say yes to please the person asking. I’d give away hours of my lifetime to feedback a startup pitch, proofread documents, catch up with so-called friends.

Ryan Holiday reminds us to treat our time with intention. Because every time we say yes to something, we give away parts of our life. Time we give away will never be given back to us.

How to apply this quote:

Before saying yes to anything, think about whether you’d treat your life for it. If your answer is yes, go for it. If your answer is no, say no.

Remind yourself that saying no equals a yes to yourself. And when saying no, we can borrow the phrases from Ryan Holiday, who’s no, sounds like this:

“No, sorry, sounds great but I’d rather not.”

“No, I’m not available.”

“No, I don’t like that idea.”

“No, I don’t want that. I’d rather make the most of what I already have.”

Closing Thoughts

A glimmer of inspiration won’t matter if you don’t take action. And that’s what makes quotes so powerful: If applied, they can improve your life for the better.

  • Remember good enough is better than perfect
  • Make reading a daily habit
  • Center your life around the lives of others
  • Let go of unhelpful storylines and give what you didn’t get
  • Get rid of anything that blocks your mental or physical space
  • Engage in leisure activities you genuinely enjoy
  • Say no to things you don’t want to treat your life for

Always remember it’s not your actions that determine your self-worth. You are enough. You are always loved, no matter what you’re doing today.

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14 Respectful, Yet Effective Ways to Say No

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“Very successful people say no to almost everything” — Warren Buffett

Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

— Warren Buffett

We all know focus leads to greater success. Yet, most people dilute their focus by saying yes when they should be saying no.

Whether we are driven by the fear of missing out or by the urge of pleasing others, saying yes too often weakens our personality.

The more often you say yes to something, the weaker your yes becomes. The more projects you take on, the fewer your available energy for every single of those projects.

To make a change in the world, you must learn to say no.

And while the first no seems daunting, it’ll become easier every time you say it. Just like anything in life, saying no is a skill you can learn.

And once you have a repertoire for “no’s” at your disposal, you can adapt and use them for your needs.

Here are 14 curated ways to say no with instructive examples on when to use them.

1. Thanks for reaching out. I appreciate the thought, but my priorities are elsewhere.

This no is clear and concise. You can use it for any casual invite or idea. When you feel the urge to help, you can also offer an alternative solution.

For example, if somebody is asking you for advice, point them towards a book you like, an article you wrote, or a podcast episode you recorded.

2. This sounds super exciting, but unfortunately, I can’t find the time.

The key to an effective “no” is not to get lost in over-explaining. Every extra justification will weaken your no.

Instead, make a straightforward statement. By saying you can’t find the time, you won’t open the room for negotiation.

While in truth, “can’t find the time” is a more respectful way to say, “I don’t find it important enough,” most people won’t question your reply.

3. I’m flattered you considered me, but regrettably, I’ll have to pass this time.

This one is my favorite “no” to hear. I got it countless times from speakers I requested while organizing a startup conference in Vienna.

I love it because the prase shows appreciation and leaves the door open for future opportunities. “This time” implies there might be the next time.

It’ll be more comfortable for the opposite person to accept your “no” when you leave the door open for future collaboration.

4. No thanks, I won’t be able to make it.

This one is short and requires confidence. The shorter your “no,” the harder it is to say. A brief, gracious “no” takes practice.

But once you dare to speak it out loud, you’ll be able to repeat it the next time.

5. Regrettably, I’m not able to. I can‘t set aside the time needed.

While still short, this way to say “no” demonstrates you thought the option through. It’s a great combination of logic and empathy.

You assessed the time that’d be needed to complete the ask and measured it against your available time. This “no” is a logical, thoughtful conclusion.

Yet, the use of “regrettably” demonstrates your empathy. You would have loved to, but you can’t.

“The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.”

— Lin Yutang

6. No, but I know someone that might be a fit for that. I’ll email you their information.

This one shifts the focus from your reply to a new person. This one works great when you don’t have a respectful reason to say no.

You let the other person know you can’t while still offering an alternative solution.

Instead of worrying why you said no, your counterpart would shift the energy towards the new option on the table.

7. I wish I could help you out, but already committed to other projects. I’ll let you know if something changes.

This phrase shows your competence. It demonstrates you’re clear about your priorities. At the same time, you offer empathy as you state you wish you could help.

It shows your yes is a hell yes. It shows when you say yes to something; your commitment equals 100%.

By briefly explaining your why the other person will understand and accept your respectful no.

“Nothing is less productive than to make more efficient what should not be done at all.”

— Peter Drucker

8. Thank you so much for asking. Can you keep me on your list for next year?

In this case, you say “no” without actually saying no. It indicates you can’t find the time this year but would be interested next year. You leave the door open and let the other know that you want to help.

Still, to get your help, the other side needs to check-in at another point. There’s a high chance the second check-in will never happen. At the same time, the other person will keep you in good memory because of your willingness to help.

9. I am unable to say yes due to commitments that leave me unavailable until the end of the month.

This is a combination of the previous answers. It combines a time-bound aspect with a reason why you can’t say yes right now.

Again, make sure you don’t overexplain. Doing so suggests that you feel guilty about the refusal. Instead, keep your response straightforward.

I got this “no” many times when asking young professionals to volunteer as mentors for kids who are the first in their family to study.

It’s a great way to say no, as you give back the responsibility to act to the person asking. Now, it’s in my hands to follow-up after the month.

10. I’m learning to limit my commitments.

While this might sound unprofessional coming from a 40-year old business owner, it’s a great phrase for a person early in their career. It shows that you’re learning.

By stating you’re trying to learn here, you’ll trigger a supportive reaction from the other person. By accepting your “no,” the other individual feels they helped.

11. No, I’m not the best fit for it.

You want the project to be successful, but you’re not the right person to help. You made a valid point by demonstrating that you have the best intention in mind.

I was grateful when a potential speaker for our conference sent me this response. Better, to know beforehand that a person is not the right fit than when it’s too late.

12. No, sorry, sounds great, but I’d rather not.

This is borrowed from Ryan Holiday. Again, this one takes some courage as you don’t offer any explanation for your “no.”

To be honest, I still need some practice before I dare to use this one, so I can’t give you any insights on your counterpart’s reaction.

“Always Think About What You’re Really Being Asked to Give. Because the Answer Is Often a Piece of Your Life, Usually in Exchange for Something, You Don’t Even Want. Remember That That’s What Time Is. It’s Your Life, It’s Your Flesh and Blood, That You Can Never Get back.”

— Ryan Holiday

13. I’m going to say no for now. I’ll let you know if something changes.

Again, this one leaves the door open. Yet, you only get back if something changes.

As a default, the other person will not hear from you again. Thereby, you don’t set unrealistic expectations. In case you get back, the other person will be delighted as she didn’t expect it.

14. No, thanks.

Short and effective yet challenging to master. Remember that a clear “no” can be more graceful than a vague or noncommittal “yes.”

Firm but friendly boundaries lead to greater satisfaction in your life.

Finally, here are common ways how NOT to say no.

  • I only say yes to very select opportunities, and unfortunately, this doesn’t meet my criteria. 
    Deed. No empathy here.
  • Let me think about that.
    This “nay” is a very weak answer. Neither yes, nor no.
  • I’d love to, but I’m already overcommitted.
    It sounds like you can’t prioritize and don’t have your shit together.
  • I’m going to have to exert my NO muscle on this one.
    Don’t make a “no” about yourself. The request is about the other person.
  • No, sorry, I’m not taking on new things.
    Instead of demonstrating focus, this makes you sound narrow-minded.

Practice Saying No

Saying no is a skill you can learn. And, when delivered with respectfulness and tact, a “no” can be the fastest way to success.

Remember that every “yes” means a “no” to a million other things. And by saying no to 95% of all requests, you’ll make your “yeses” a lot more meaningful.

Choose your favorite phrases, try some of them, and skip the rest.

By using them, you’ll, step by step, reclaim your focus and find yourself on your path towards a happier, wealthier, and more meaningful life.

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These 7 Books Will Improve The Way You Work

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About productivity, mindsets, decision-making, and so much more.
Photo by Avel Chuklanov on Unsplash

Most people spend most of their life working.

Yet, only a few try to improve how they work.

By working only one percent better each day for one year, you’ll end up thirty-seven times better by the time you’re done. This is what James Clear calls the accumulative advantage:

“What begins as a small advantage gets bigger over time. One plant only needs a slight edge in the beginning to crowd out the competition and take over the entire forest.”

Reading the right books is the simplest and fastest way to get one percent better each day.

And by learning and applying strategies from the smartest minds, you can improve how you work step by step.

I regret I didn’t make reading a habit earlier. Yet, since I realized the books’ potential, I read every day. Since 2016, I’ve read 161 books.

Here is the list of seven books that will change the way you work, including why they‘re relevant and when you might want to read them.

Barking Up the Wrong Tree by Eric Barker

This one is a fantastic meta-analysis of the latest scientific findings related to the Western idea of “success.”

Barker combines storytelling with science and shares how you can apply his findings to your work life.

If you question whether you’re on your right career path and look for bulletproof advice, this one is for you.

Most of Barker’s lessons are so simple yet effective that you will be astonished.

“Great mentors and great teachers help you learn faster. Not only should you care about your mentors; the mentors who really make you succeed need to care about you. When you relate to someone you look up to, you get motivated. And when that person makes you feel you can do that too, bang-that produces real results.”

Deep Work by Cal Newport

This book will improve how you work on various levels. After reading Deep Work, I stopped procrastinating and quit Instagram and Snapchat.

Deep work is a must-read for anyone doing any kind of work as it teaches you how to produce your best output. It’s also an excellent read for anyone who struggles to concentrate and achieve great results when life is distracting.

Cal Newport provides concrete, actionable advice on how to focus and engage in, what he calls, deep work. By putting deliberate thought into what you do, you’ll be less inclined to procrastinate.

“Who you are, what you think, feel, and do, what you love — is the sum of what you focus on.”

Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday

I love Ryan Holiday. Especially his articles about managing your time management and developing better habits.

In Ego is the Enemy, he helps us to get a deeper understanding of who we are. After reading, you’ll understand the anatomy of our success and failure.

The book is not only packed with inspiration that will empower you to produce your best work, but also includes actionable advice on how to live your best life.

It’s an ideal read for anyone who is either early in her career or achieved success and wonders what to do next.

“There’s no one to perform for. There is just work to be done and lessons to be learned, in all that’s around us.”

Bad Blood by John Carreyrou

This one is quite different from the rest of the list, but there are a lot of life lessons to learn from this page-turner.

Bad Blood portraits the breathtaking rise and the surprising collapse of a unicorn startup in a way every reader can relate and form her own opinion.

I gasped out loud while reading this thriller-like business book as it shows what happens when a CEO and prioritizes ego above all else.

Bad Blood is worthwhile for anyone struggling with ethical questions or interested in the importance of honest work.

“The way Theranos is operating is like trying to build a bus while you’re driving the bus. Someone is going to get killed.”

The Making of a Manager by Julie Zhou

A consultant shared that she’d read and discussed this book at her Boston Consulting Group book club.

To be honest, I didn’t expect much. I thought it would go along the lines of other mediocre self-help fluff.

Turns out I was wrong.

Julie Zhou might turn into the Peter Drucker of our time. She shares everything from leading teams to managing oneself and nurturing culture.

Throughout the book, she asks powerful self-reflection questions and shares simple, yet applicable principles to excel at work.

This book is a growth bible for anyone who wants to step up from employee to a manager or recently got promoted to managing people.

“What opportunities do you see for me to do more of what I do well? What do you think are the biggest things holding me back from having greater impact?”

Tools of Titans by Tim Ferriss

The title sounds like clickbait, I know. But this book delivers on its promises as you access the brains of world-class performers.

I’ve read all books of Tim Ferriss but found this by far the most inspiring piece. Tools of Titans is an encyclopedia for personal growth and productivity.

The world-class performers in this book share all their strategies on how to become healthy, wealthy, and wise. This sounds like too much to cover in a single book, but the titans deliver the value.

“Losers have goals. Winners have systems.”

Mindset by Carol Dweck

If you’re only going to read one book on the list, you may want to choose this one. Why? It covers how to program your mind to excel at anything.

Dweck demonstrates how success in work, sports, and almost every area of human endeavor is influenced by how we think about our talents and abilities.

This book is a must-read for every person looking for personal growth. After reading this book, you’ll be able to integrate a growth mindset into your life, and you’ll see mistakes as valuable learning opportunities.

“No matter what your ability is, effort is what ignites that ability and turns it into accomplishment.”

Once you get enough of an answer to act on, stop reading, and start doing.

Applied knowledge is power.

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3 Simple Ways to Declutter Your Mind

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Give your brain a break and find joy in the present moment.

Photo by Glen Carrie on Unsplash

“If you take care of your mind, you take care of the world.”

— Arianna Huffington

Most people don’t prioritize mental health. They chase around, trying hard to take care of the world and, meanwhile, forget to take care of their mind.

To be honest, I was one of those people. In 2014, I ignored my inner wellbeing until I couldn’t have clear thoughts anymore. I wish my younger self would read this article.

Because even though most humans never give their brains a break, decluttering your mind is actually pretty simple. You need neither money nor much time.

Here are three simple yet powerful ways to ease your mind from any clutter.

Meditate To Let Go Of Your Inner Chatters

There’s a reason you get the meditation advice again and again: it works. Meditation is the single most effective tool for our time. It eases your mind as nothing alike.

For the longest time, I felt skeptical about meditating. My tipping point was Tim Ferriss’ Tools of Titans. In his book, most of the interviewed world-class performers rave about meditating.

To get into the habit, I downloaded the 10-day Headspace trial. Since 2016 I meditate first thing in the morning, every morning. Sitting down gives me unmatched freedom of mind.

I don’t meditate for the sake of meditation or to become a better meditator. I meditate to enjoy my life and all the moments in full presence.

“You can’t stop the waves but you can learn to surf.”

― Jon Kabat-Zinn

How to do it:

Put your fixed mindset aside and give it a try. Seriously. Download your app of choice and start meditating tomorrow morning. Give yourself ten days before you quit.

Ignore the voice inside your head that tells you you shouldn’t try new stuff and doesn’t like change. If you want a decluttered mind, there’s no way around meditation. Promise.

Use one of the step by step guides on how to make meditation a daily habit for life, and check out Calm, Headspace, or Insight Timer. Once you decided for an app and figured the best time to meditate is after waking up, just do it.

Your meditation muscle will grow day by day. By seeing your thoughts as thoughts and letting them go as they arise, you’ll find yourself calm and present throughout your entire day.

Sitting on your meditation pillow is the entryway to a more fulfilled, joyful life. It declutters your mind and frees you from worrying and thoughts.

Move To Make Your Body Sweat

We have all heard of the running evangelists who swear running their hours will free one’s mind that you need to go all in to experience the runner’s high.

Yet, you don’t need to be an avid runner to reap the benefits of movement.

All you need is to make your body sweat.

In fact, any movement that gets your heart pumping will free your mind. Jumping, tennis, high-intensity training, badminton, dancing, swimming, rope skipping — pick your favorite one and feel your heartbeat speed up.

Perspiration has impressive physical benefits. But the mental ones are even better. When you move, you’ll feel alive. The only way to reap those benefits, though, is just to move.

“Movement is the song of the body.”

— Vanda Scaravelli

How to do it:

Pick the type of movement you enjoy most and make it ridiculously easy to start with. Then set very achievable goals.

Let’s see how this works for dancing. First, create a playlist with ten songs that give you chills and jolts of energy. Create a playlist with your favorite power songs.

Then, put on your favorite clothes and set the intention to move in a way that makes you feel great. Set the achievable goal to dance to 5 of the songs. There you have your personalized, mind-clearing 15-minute workout.

Do this for you. Exercising is for you. This isn’t about anything else like the weight on your scale. It’s for you to let go of anything that bothers you. You’ll be rewarded with a fresh, decluttered mind.

Treat Sleep Like A Massage

You can’t have a calm mind when you’re sleep-deprived. Although research says we should treat sleep seriously, many people skip this easy, yet important mental health lever.

I think of sleep as garbage disposal. When our brains sleep, they clear out harmful toxins. The next day, we’ll feel fresh and ready for new input.

By sleeping less than 7–8 hours, you’ll harm your body. In case you’ve convinced yourself otherwise, keep the words of sleep scientist, Dr. Thomas Roth, in mind who said:

“The number of people who can survive on five hours of sleep or less without impairment, and rounded to a whole number, is zero.”

How to do it:

Set a bedtime alarm that reminds you to go to bed in the evening. For example, if you want to wake up at 7 AM and get 8 hours of well-rested sleep, your alarm should be set for 10 PM.

Then you’ll have a short period for disconnecting from your devices and reconnecting with yourself. By going to bed early enough, you’ll wake up full of energy.

Additionally, if you’re fortunate enough to have the possibility, take a nap during your day. A 20-minute midday nap before 3 PM will improve your coronary health and refresh your mind.

Final Thoughts

Regular meditation, exercise, and restful sleep are more powerful than any drugs. These habits will not only declutter your mind but boost your mental health.

Once you’ll experience the benefits you don’t want to stop. Because by taking care of your mind, you’ll find your way to live a happier, more joyful life.

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What Are Your Big 5 for Life?

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How to find and integrate your life goals.

Picture by JULIO NERY on Pexels

Imagine, somebody would catalog every one of your days.

No, not a shiny Instagram feed kind of catalog.

A plain book that portrays your days as they really are.

And in the final days of your life, all those day pages would be displayed in the museum of your life.

You’d walk through that museum on the day before you die. You’d see exactly how you spent your time, what you experienced, what you felt.

If today was your last day, what would be displayed in your museum of life?

Is what you see equal to what you would love to see?

While this concept sounds romantic, for most people, the museum of life would look pretty much the same.

An adult human is awake every day for 15 hours and 39 minutes. A knowledge worker spends 8 hours working on a computer and an additional 3 hours on their smartphone.

Most people don’t protect their time on earth, because they don’t know how they want to spend their days. They don’t know their big five for lives.

I was one of those people. I didn’t know what I was living for, what I was striving towards. But once I read John Strelecky’s book and defined them, my life changed.

You don’t need to read the entire book to define your big life goals.

Here’s precisely how you can use your big five for life to create the museum of a life you want to live, and not dream of living.

Find Your Big Five for Life

Unless you define your big five for life, you will always live the life others.

If you don’t know what’s your ultimate goal, you’ll navigate through life like a ship without a sail.

To be honest, I felt like a shipwreck when I learned about the museum metaphor in April 2018.

Indeed, I had some images of how I wanted my museum to look like: free, independent, loving, adventurous.

Yet, when I took balance from what would be portrayed, the picture looked different: overworked, stressed, distracted, unbalanced.

It’s in our hands to live the life we truly want to live.

No matter what your museum would look like today, you can change it with every hour, every decision you make.

Your big five are self-defined life goals. It’s a vision and guideline that you created for your life.

It’s something you can look at when you feel lost, or find inspiration when you’re feeling down. They serve as an anchor and lighting house.

When you know your big five, you’ll understand what makes life successful for you. They are the best tool to create the life you want to live.

Once you know how you want to spend your time, you won’t let it be taken away from you without your consent.

Only you know your answers. Only you know what success means for you. Health, relationships, work, knowledge, spirituality, travel, what’s behind these terms for you?

As your life, these goals are dynamic and can evolve. Don’t obsess over finding the perfect targets. You’ll be able to change them, like life changes.

“Imagine what it would be like to walk through that museum toward the end of your life. To view the videos, listen to the audio, look at the pictures. How would you feel knowing that for the rest of eternity, that museum would be how you were remembered?”

How to do it:

Get into your peak state. Take a good song, a piece of paper, and a pen, set a timer for ten minutes. Write down everything that comes to your mind reading the following question.

What five things would you like to see, feel, hear, learn, or experience, that will make your life a complete success?

Don’t edit yourself. The more, the better. Don’t stop before your timer rings.

Dream as big as possible and write everything that flows from your heart.

Then, go back to your answers and highlight your quintessence.

Integrate Your Big 5 For Life into Your Days

Defining your life goals was the hardest part. Once you know what you want, life will take care of the rest.

Yet, to let life bow into your goals, you must continuously remind yourself of them.

You wasted your time if you write your goals and never take a look at them.

After I wrote down my goals in my bullet journal in April 2018, I didn’t open the pages for some months. My goals hadn’t changed. But I ignored them and continued to live like before.

If you really want to change your life, you must remind yourself of change.

Since I placed my goals on the wall of my sleeping room, acting towards them feels natural.

One of my big 5 is “I foster a healthy mind and body to experience the multifaceted nature of our world.”

When the first thing I see every morning is my health goal, I’ll surely hit my meditation pillow for a 15-min semi-guided headspace meditation. I won’t negotiate with my mind whether I’d skip it or switch to a 5-minute meditation. I know why I do it.

Reminding yourself of your big 5 is the best way to integrating them towards your life.

“The hardest thing is the figuring out, ‘this is what I wanna do’. Once you know things will start to work.”

How to do it:

Once you’ve written down your big five, place them somewhere meaningful: your vision board, bullet journal, screensaver, Pinterest board, or whatever you look at every day.

Record your voice and read your life goals to you. Tell all the people around you. Opportunities will come as you dare to spread the word.

Final Thoughts

Unfortunately, there’s no shortcut to living the life you want to live. Yet, knowing and integrating your big 5 for life is the best shortcut you can get.

Step by step, they’ll bring you closer to the life you dream of.

By writing down your big 5 and looking at them every day, you’ll not only uplift your mood but also be able to be more intentional with your time.

If done correctly, knowing your big five for life will help you to spend your time and energy on tasks and projects that truly matter.

And at the end of your day, when going to bed before your sleep, ask yourself:

“Was today a great day for the museum of my life?“

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9 Reasons That Will Make You Want to Stop Checking Your Phone After Waking

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You use your phone too early. Here’s how to stop it.

Photo by Marjan Grabowski on Unsplash

If you’re like 80% of smartphone users, you check your device every morning within the first 15 minutes after waking up. This is dramatic as the early hours of your day will make or break your life.

By checking your phone first thing in the morning, you condition your mind for distraction. Notifications and messages will make your thoughts bounce around like a ping-pong ball. You won’t be able to focus on your day ahead.

Throughout your day, your morning behavior repeats itself. By checking your phone too early in the day, you won’t be able to produce any deep work. You’ll get distracted and lose focus again and again.

Yet, you can reprogram your phone habits and thereby, free your mind. It’s in your power to take back control. Here are nine reasons that will make you want to stop checking your phone after waking up, including instructions on how you can make that change.

1. Start Your Day With A Clear Mind

You decide how to spend your time. You can start and end your day without glancing at your phone and, instead, focus on what matters to you.

“What we choose to focus on and what we choose to ignore, play in defining the quality of our life.”

— Cal Newport

Do you really want to wake up contemplating the latest post on your newsfeed?

By leaving your phone shut, you won’t be tempted to scroll through social media. Instead, you can start your day with a clear mind. By protecting your morning, you’ll start on your right foot.

I checked my phone first thing in the morning for a decade. It wasn’t until I read studies (like this one, this one, or this one) on the downsides of smartphone use that I abandoned my device from my morning hours. Since then, I make faster progress towards my life goals than I have ever imagined.

2. Finish Your Morning Routine Distraction Free

Your morning routine sets the tone for the day. You should do anything to protect these hours for yourself. By completing your routine without distraction every day, you’ll live your happiest life.

Yet, I can’t count the times I sat on my meditation pillow only to open my e-mail account instead of the headspace app.

Do you control your phone, or does your phone control you?

The problem is you can’t undo information input. What slipped through my phone into my morning routine found an entryway to my brain. You get in life what you’re willing to tolerate. Here’s how Benjamin Hardy, PhD, puts it:

“Most people tolerate spending huge amounts of their time on things that don’t inspire them because they aren’t clear on what they want. They aren’t clear on what they want because they haven’t begun acting right. Clarity and inspiration follow positive action.”

By not checking your phone after waking up, you create a distraction-free environment. There won’t be any “bing” during your morning routine, and you’ll quickly find yourself on the path to your happiest life.

3. You Can’t-Wait To Start Your Day

Reading messages from your co-workers after waking up can feel like a weight that ties you down. You might want to stay in bed rather than tackle the tasks ahead. Dr. Nikole Benders-Hadi, a psychiatrist, says

“Immediately turning to your phone when you wake up can start your day off in a way that is more likely to increase stress and leave you feeling overwhelmed.”

In the hour after waking, your head needs time to get in the rational state of your consciousness.

By checking your phone, your overwhelming your clear mind with external information. By starting your phone with messages from your colleagues, it’s no wonder you might want to stay in bed rather than getting up.

Yet, your phone doesn’t have to feel like a weight that holds you back. To start your days full of energy, you can make the decision right here and now to change your phone habits.

With phone-free mornings you’ll have focused, dedicated and creative time for yourself. Your morning will bring you intense energy of doing and creating.

4. Connect With The People Around You

With your eyes glued to a screen, it’s tempting to forget your surroundings. And by burying your face in your phone’s screen, you won’t be able to connect with the people in your home.

By disconnecting your phone, you connect with the people around you. You’ll experience the power of human bonds, and spending time with people in your early hours will help you live a happier life.

“Deep human connection is the purpose and the result of a meaningful life, and it will inspire the most amazing acts of love, generosity, and humanity.”

— Melinda Gates

5. You Have Time To Eat The Frog

By checking your messages first thing in the morning, it’s easy to focus on the tasks of others. Yet, giving your morning attention to reaction events will limit your productivity.

The messages and news of others distract you from your most important task of the day, leaving your “frogs” victim to procrastination.

“If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it First Thing in the Morning. And if it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the BIGGEST one first.”

— Mark Twain

When you stop reacting to others, you can start to act on your agenda, eat your frogs first. When you get into the habit of doing your most demanding job before you check your phone, you become a person of action and discipline.

Spend your most precious time on your most valuable activities, and you’ll change the trajectory of your life.

6. Breakfast Will Become A Sensory Experience

With eyes glued to our screens, it’s impossible to enjoy eating. Eating with distractions will leave you unsatisfied.

When you eat, eat. The key to achieving satiety and satisfaction when eating is mindful eating. The more attentive you eat, the more you‘ll feel what your body needs.

Without your cell phone on your table, it’ll be easier for you to stop eating when you are full. Instead of focusing on your device, focus on your breakfast qualities:

  • Taste and smell: sweet, sour, salty, bitter
  • Temperature: warm, cold
  • Texture: hard, soft, creamy, liquid, tough, dry

By not reacting to messages early in your day, you’ll have time to enjoy your breakfast with all your senses.

7. You Read More Books

Charlie Munger, self-made billionaire, and Warren Buffett’s longtime business partner, once said:

“In my whole life, I have known no wise people who didn’t read all the time — none. Zero.”

Bill Gates read one book a week during his career and took a yearly two-week reading vacation throughout his entire career. Barack Obama read an hour a day while in office.

The less time you spend on your phone, the more you’ll read. You’ll notice that you have plenty of time during your mornings. You can start a new habit, like reading 15 minutes every morning before you react to other people’s agenda.

Changing my phone habits was the hardest part but also the most effective one. I didn’t need to skip any activities to read 52 books a year.

Decreasing my screen time enabled me to read more. Since I stopped checking my phone in the morning in March 2018, I read 116 books. And if I can do it, you can do it, too.

8. You Take Self-Responsibility

By regularly checking your phone, you condition your mind for self-interruption. Social media, e-mail or messaging will deliver other people’s opinions, requests, and advertising into your head.

By not checking your phone, you take back self-responsibility. You’ll be the one determining what to do with your day. Nothing can distract you from your agenda.

Leaving your phone switched off will feel hard at first because it’s easier to follow other people’s agenda. You can’t look at social to escape from boredom or discomfort.

Your ego will fight back, whispering you should check these urgent messages. But by turning your phone on later in the day, you’ll take back more self-responsibility.

9. You Connect With Yourself

In the years I woke up to my smartphone’s screen, I was unable to notice my feelings. At that time, there were deep and intense feelings in me. Yet, I paid more attention to my screen than to my emotions.

If I’d read my body signals instead of the words on my smartphone screen, I would have been better at making effective decisions.

Stop looking at your screen and start looking inside yourself. Connect with how you’re feeling and read your signs for change. Paying attention to your feelings instead of your phone will upgrade the course of your life. Promise.

Not letting your phone distracting you opens your mind up to fantastic possibilities. You’ll set yourself up for success. By connecting with yourself in the morning, you’ll get more insights and ideas than you know what to do with.

“Disconnecting from our technology to reconnect with ourselves is absolutely essential.”

— Arianna Huffington

Now, Set Up Your Environment For Change

By reading this far, you understood why you shouldn’t check your smartphone in the morning. But change doesn’t come from understanding. Change comes from taking action. It’s in your hands to live the life you want to live.

  • Set up everything in such a way that you won’t miss your phone in the morning.
  • Dig up your old alarm clock, or buy a new one.
  • Turn your phone off before going to sleep and charge your phone outside of your bedroom.
  • Pick the book you‘ll read tomorrow morning and place it in sight.
  • Put an empty notebook and a pen to the place where you’d put your phone.

Promise yourself you will switch on your phone only 3 hours after waking up, for the next seven days. The change you’ll experience will make you want to continue with your new habit.

Unplug yourself from the matrix of social media and information.

Instead, plug into your life.

Do you want to stay connected? Join my E-Mail List.

How To Decide What To Do For A Living

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A step-by-step guide to bold decision making.

Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash

You are on a career path.

The question is: Is this path also the one you want to be on?

Do you make a living with something worth your time?

Does your work allow you to live the life you want to live?

To live the life you choose to live?

Most people were lured into their current career path. Parents, friends, and employer branding guided their decisions.

But unless you decide what to do for a living, you’re like a ship without a sail. Or as Gary Vaynerchuk puts it:

“The one thing I know for sure, is the outcome of what happens if you don’t decide. If you never make a decision, or deliberate for too long, all the upside or potential opportunity could be lost.”

My life changed once I took ownership of my career path. Since that decision, every minute of my time became precious. I want to be on the path I’m on.

If I can do it, you can do it, too.

Once you know what you want, you can land any job you want.

Here’s how you can boldly decide what to do for a living:

0) Get Into “Peak State”

How you start something determines how you finish it. No person made great decisions while feeling like a douche-bag.

A low-quality state of mind leads to low-quality choices.

But you shouldn’t settle for mediocre choices.

You deserve the best.

That’s why you want to be in a peak state when you think about your next move.

So before you consider making a decision, check whether you’re in a state to thinking this decision through. Put yourself in an environment that supports your clear, open mind. Get into a peak state.

How to apply this advice

If you have a powerful, ritualized morning routine, you’ll be in peak state right afterwards. The time frame after your routine is excellent for altered thinking and decision making.

Another way to peak state is to get your body moving and breathing. More oxygen equals more energy. Hike through a forest, or simply breathe fresh air before you sit down.

1) Determine Your Orbit

Be selective about how you spend your time.

Rather than asking what’s possible, ask which topic is worth dedicating your life to?

You have the skills. You have the knowledge. Your life is precious. But eventually, you will die.

Your lifetime is too precious to remain within the limited boundaries of your existing reality.

To make bold, right decisions, think outside of your current environment.

How to apply this advice

Which topic makes you want to jump out of bed at any time? What issue can’t you stop thinking or talking about?

There’s no wrong answer to it. Don’t even think about what other people think about your answer. There’s no right or wrong answer. Be honest with yourself.

If you can’t find anything, it comes down to two reasons. You’re not in your peak state, or you need more inspiration. Make learning a daily habit. Read books outside of your habitue. Visit meet-ups. Travel.

There’s no valid reason not to have any topic you burn for.

Find out what that topic is for you.

2) Analyze Your Energy Level

“The energy of the mind is the essence of life.”

— Aristotle

Two days, packed schedules.

Have you ever wondered at night, why on some days you feel drained and wasted, while on other evenings you’re still feeling fresh?

Your energy level determines how you experience your days, weeks, years, and ultimately, your life.

Yet, most people don’t have any clue about their energy drainers and givers. They never pay any attention to our energy. Our ignorance doesn’t protect us.

You won’t make smart decisions on what to do for a living unless you’re clear about your energy management.

How to apply this advice

Before you look for “what’s out there,” make sure you know “what’s inside” of you. Regularly ask yourself:

  1. Which activities make you feel good and give you energy?
  2. Which activities destroy your mood and drain your energy?

Once you pay attention, you’ll quickly realize different activities lead to different energy levels.

Feel free to copy this simple table to your journal or in your notepad and fill it for a week. You’ll be clear about energy givers and takers afterward.

Source: Author

After tracking and rating your activities, consolidate what you’ve learned. Here’s my general energy list. Notice that yours might be completely different.

Energy drainers: Repetitive tasks, hour-long computer work, detail-oriented tasks like filling spreadsheets, meetings with >5 people, PowerPoint, reading law texts, spending time with negative people, greasy food, WhatsApp, grocery shopping, driving a car

Energy givers: Teaching, writing, public speaking, networking, strategic planning, helping others, reading philosophy, self-reflection, organizing, music, time with my partner, laughing with friends, singing, meditation, ashtanga yoga, dancing, sunshine, cooking and then eating self-made dishes, driving in trains

When reading job descriptions or making job choices, we often forget what’s behind the fancy title. “Digital Transformation Consultant” might mean nothing more than sitting in front of a computer, building powerpoints, or sales pitches 3/4 of your time. “Customer Relationships” might equal sitting in front of a computer and inserting contact details into a spreadsheet. “Human Resource Specialist” might be another term for being on the phone with requiters and scheduling interviews for potential candidates.

Before deciding on a career path, be clear about your energy drainers and givers.

3) Focus On Growth

“Certainty is the enemy of growth. “
 — Mark Manson

When making your decision, focus on personal growth.

By working a job where you can acquire the skills for your future self, the chances are high that you’ll overperform.

Not because you’re smarter than your co-workers. It’s because you have a reason why you chose that career: Growth.

Pick work where you learn what you want to learn.

How to apply this advice

Where do you see yourself five years from now?

Which skills does your future self possess?

Only then think about your current reality and identify the gap from where you stand to where you want to become.

Your future job should, at least to some extent, help you bridging the skill gap.

4) Trust Your Intuition

“The more you trust your intuition, the more empowered you become, the stronger you become & the happier you become.” 
 — Gisele BĂŒndchen

Intuition is your body’s intelligence at its best. Your brain takes in any given situation, searches its files, matches past experiences, and cues from your self to send you a feeling.

This process happens so quickly that you don’t even register it on a conscious level. That’s why intuition simply points out the way without being in your logical, rational mind.

When was the last time you felt like you just know something?

Intuition exists in all of us. The more we learn about it and listen to it, the more we can use intuition to shape our decisions for the better.

How to apply this advice

Sit down in a quiet environment and ask yourself: What does my gut say on what to do for a living?

Then, listen.

Silence your rational voice.

Don’t start to justify and explain your feelings.

You’ll notice your intuition once you’re really listening.

Does this mean you should follow intuition blindly? No. Factor in common sense and a tickle of rationality, and you’ll find the optimal balance for bold and reach your best decisions.

5) Ask Specific Questions to Your Network

“Nobody can give you better advice than yourself.” 
 — Cicero

Having a strong network is powerful. So powerful, it can even interfere with your trajectory.

It’s tempting to follow smart people’s general opinions.

“What’s my next career step?” is a terrible question to ask your network.

You’ll find yourself living their imagination of a good life. You might sway into a choice that doesn’t work for you.

Regardless of your network’s size and quality, be very selective and specific with the questions you ask.

How to apply this advice

Instead of asking your network, consult yourself first. Before approaching any friend, colleague, or mentor for advice, be clear about your orbit, your energy management, your future self, and your intuition.

Then, come up with specific questions, like:

Do you know any job in _______ (your orbit) where I can deploy my _______ (activities that give you energy) and expand my ________ (skills you want to grow)?

Once you have a specific question, find the person that can give you the best answers to your questions.

If you aren’t satisfied with your opponent’s answer, finish with: Who else do you know in _____ (orbit) I could talk to regarding this question?

6) Invest In Your Decision

“An investment in knowledge pays the best interest” 
 — Benjamin Franklin

Once you made a decision, it’s tempting to overthink. But the more you think about your decision, the more you talk yourself out of it.

We, humans, love to stick to what we know. Your rational mind doesn’t like big changes and might find ways to question your decisions.

The best way to make a decision is by putting high stakes into your decision.

Once you spend time and money on your decision, you’re signaling yourself that you’re serious about it.

How to apply this advice

Put effort into realizing your decision and invest in the decision you made.

Your initial investment is your time. But don’t just browse through books and articles. Invest time in crafting your application. Ask for intros to your future employer.

Besides, make a financial investment. Get a mentor. Go to conferences. Pay for learning experiences like online courses. Apply what you learn in the form of action.

The further you’re in, the less likely your ego will talk you out of it (because it’s generally afraid of everything new and outside of your comfort zone).

The Bottom Line

Get into a peak state, determine your area, analyze your energy level, focus on personal growth, ask and listen to your intuition, ask specific questions to your network, and invest time and money in your decision.

You’ll be blown away by everything that happens in your life, once you made a bold decision on what you want to do for a living.

Just watch the power of life unfold.

Do you want to stay in touch? Join my E-Mail List.

The 1 Piece of Sleep Advice You Probably Haven’t Applied Yet

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“What we choose to focus on and what we choose to ignore play in defining the quality of our life.” — Cal Newport

Photo by Rayia Soderberg on Unsplash

Let me guess. You know that sleep is our human superpower, and you’ve read all the sleep advice. You know the benefits of lower room temperature, less light in your bedroom, and waking up at the same time every day, and yet, your sleep is still restless.

Maybe you struggle to fall asleep. Maybe you wake up in the middle of the night, with racing thoughts on your mind. Or maybe you roll around in the morning feeling stressed, unrested, or anxious.

By implementing standard sleep advice, you might increase your sleep quality, but this probably won’t be enough. For elevating your sleep hygiene, buy an alarm clock, and abandon your phone from your sleeping room.

Three of the most damaging effects of using your smartphone in your bedroom:

  1. You lose time
  2. You lose focus
  3. Your sleep quantity and quality drops

My cell phone’s alarm woke me for a decade. It wasn’t until I read studies (like this one, this one, or this one) on the downsides of smartphone use that I abandoned my phone from my sleeping room. I have never used my smartphone’s alarm since.

In this comprehensive, short article, I’ll show you how to outsmart technology by replacing your smartphone’s alarm function with an alarm clock.

The Bad Influences of Your Smartphone in Bed

1. You Lose Time

The average person needs 7–9 hours of sleep every night. Scientists have proven that one can’t catch up on sleep “later.”

„The shorter you sleep, the shorter your life span.”

— Matthew Walker

While we know we need around 8 hours of sleep; we sometimes forget that there’s a difference between sleeping and being in bed.

When was the last time you used your phone in bed? When did you scroll through your favorite app instead of sleeping?

It’s not your fault. Engineers designed Instagram, Facebook (and even Medium) to retain your attention for as long as possible. A well-intended “I’ll just text my friend,” habitually leads to infinity scrolls.

A minute becomes 5, then 10, then 30 minutes — precious time you’d better be sleeping. Checking your phone in bed is a stimulating, sleep-harming activity.

While engineers designed apps that hook your attention, it’s up to you when you let technology trick you in. You are in power to change scrolling time for sleeping time.

2. You Lose Focus

World-class performers in any field rely on affirmation, meditation, and visualization. These persons treat the time before and after sleep like treasures.

Meanwhile, a study from IDC Research showed 80% of smartphone users check their phones within 15 minutes of waking up. Instead of starting and ending your day, focusing on your thoughts, you prioritize the social media fluff of others.

Do you really want to fall asleep or wake up contemplating the latest post on your newsfeed?

Bestselling author Ryan Holiday explains why he protects his focus and time from his phone:

“Because it’s my life and it’s ticking away every second. I want to be there for it, not staring at a screen. Now some mornings, if I am writing, I might not touch my phone until lunch. On those days, I’m happier and more productive.“

3. Your Sleep Quantity And Quality Drops

We need the sleep hormone melatonin to fall asleep. Meanwhile, science discovered the light from our phones suppresses melatonin. Smartphone light has an impact on sleep.

This study showed consistent, robust evidence of an association between access to the use of devices and reduced sleep quantity and quality, as well as increased daytime sleepiness.

How an Alarm Clock That’s Not Your Clock App Improves Your Sleep Health

1. You Gain Time

With an alarm clock, you don’t need to keep your phone next to you while sleeping. You won’t have the option to start scrolling before you sleep and after you wake up. Eventually, you won’t lose precious sleeping time anymore.

“No person hands out their money to passersby, but to how many do each of us hand out our lives! We’re tightfisted with property and money, yet think too little of wasting time, the one thing about which we should all be the toughest misers.”

— Seneca

2. You Gain Focus

You decide how to spend the precious time before and after sleep. You can start and end your day without glancing at your phone and, instead, focus on what matters to you.

“What we choose to focus on and what we choose to ignore, play in defining the quality of our life.”

— Cal Newport

By abandoning your phone from your bedroom, you can implement new bedtime and morning rituals. What do you want to be doing the last thing in the evening and first thing in the morning?

My bedtime ritual is reading. In bed, I can either sleep or read. That’s how I read one book per week for two years. My phone-free morning routine starts with oil pulling, a big glass of warm water, stretching, and a 15-minute meditation. Then I dress and write. I turn on my phone when I leave for work at around 7:15 AM.

3. Your Sleep Quantity and Quality Increases

Since your screen’s blue light won’t suppress your melatonin levels, you’ll fall asleep easier.

By using an alarm that’s not your clock app, your phone can go in the other room, and with your phone in a different room, you can’t check it at night. You won’t know if you get a text message or an email. You won’t scroll through your social apps.

Eventually, your sleep quality and quantity increase, which is crucial as sleep improves your ability to learn, resets your emotions, restores your immune system, optimizes your metabolism, and regulates your appetite.

Creating a New Habit

Transitioning from your smartphone’s alarm to a classic alarm sounds easy? It is. But change only happens from taking action. So if you’re serious about improving your sleep hygiene, order an alarm clock. Now.

Getting an alarm clock is the fastest way to abandon your phone from your sleeping room. I promise it’s the $5–50 best-invested dollars. You won’t have an excuse to sleep with your phone on your nightstand.

“Some mornings will be easy. The sun will shine, and you’ll feel good. Other days will be much darker. You can’t control everything that happens to you. You can, however, make some changes to wake up feeling a little bit brighter.”

— Michael Thompson

To Transform Your Life, Start Changing Your Thoughts

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Record your voice with this four-part strategy and live the life of your wildest imagination.

Photo by Cristina Gottardi on Unsplash

Many people want to change something in their life, but they continuously fail and find themselves in the same pattern over and over again.

Did you know that 90% of your thoughts today follow the same pattern as yesterday’s thoughts? By thinking in yesterday’s corridor, you’ll repeat past behaviors. Your mind, actions, and body stay the way they are.

You can’t expect things or circumstances to change. Nothing changes unless you change.

Yet, many people fail to apply this advice. I didn’t feel comfortable in my body for years, and still, I felt unable to change until I stumbled upon one tool that changed the way I think, look, feel, and act: Affirmations.

Affirmations are inspiring self-talk. When repeated regularly, affirmations affect your subconscious and strengthen you mentally.

By repeating affirmations, you wire your brain to your future instead of repeating your past all over again. Once you change your thoughts, you’ll make new choices that ultimately lead to new behaviors and experiences, thereby creating your new self.

“The latest science in neuroscience says that when you close your eyes and rehearse an activity mentally, you begin to install the neurological hardware in your brain to look like you already did it.”

— Joe Dispenza

Follow these four-step morning affirmations and direct your attention to what you want in your life. You will gain more clarity, focus, vitality, and implementation power for your days ahead.

To apply this method with maximum effect, record your voice (more on that later). Before, select your favorite prompts for mindfulness, posture, vision, and mindset.

#1 Mindfulness Prompts to Get You Started

First, slow down your busy mind with prompts for awareness. These reminders help you find focus and calmness.

  • Take ten deep breaths. Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth.
  • Close your eyes. Feel your body touching the surface beneath you.
  • Breathe in fresh energy and exhale all worries and concerns.
  • Scan through your body, from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.
  • How does your ___________ (stomach, hand, head, foot) feel today?
  • Listen to the sounds around you.

Once you’re grounded in the present moment and notice physical sensations, you’re good to go to the second step:

#2 Questions to Set Your Inner Posture

Before visualizations and actionable prompts, you want to ensure you plant your ideas into fertile ground.

Entering a state of gratitude, abundance, and appreciation sets the tone for winning your day. The deeper you allow yourself to experience these feelings, the more powerful your vision manifestation will be.

  • What three things are you thankful for today? Feel the gratitude in your belly, expand gratefulness to your entire body, and let it flow beyond your body.
  • How much gratitude do you allow yourself to feel today?
  • Who helped you get where you are now? Send a mental note of appreciation to this person.
  • You are enough. No matter what you are doing today. You are enough the way you are. You are right the way you are. You are right the way you look. At this moment, you are enough, no matter what you are doing.
  • You can achieve whatever you’re striving for.
  • You are in control of the decisions you make. You determine your speed of life. Your life is in your hands. You already have everything you need to create the life you want to live.
  • Focus on your strengths. Remember, when you ______ (produced something you are proud). How did you feel?

Feeling gratitude and abundance takes practice. Try this six days in a row before you conclude, “I don’t feel any gratitude.” On somedays feelings are stronger, on some, they’re subtler. There’s no right or wrong about it. Both spectra are fine as long as you don’t judge yourself.

Soon you’re in a state of open-hearted mindfulness and ready for vision manifestation.

#3 Powerful Affirmations for Manifesting Your Vision

Now you created the fertile ground to plant your visionary ideas.

Pick the questions that feel out of your comfort zone. You aim to dream and think as big as you can.

  • Imagine you achieved everything you aimed for in your life. How do you look? How do you feel? How do people around you react to your _______ (wisdom, power, drive, courage)? 
    Picture yourself as vividly as possible. Feel your new self.
  • Where do you focus on to bring more _____ (love, gratitude, laughter) to your life?
  • What are the three most important steps today, you can take to move towards your vision? Where do you have leverage for change?
  • If your day goes perfectly, what does it look like? What’s your posture?
  • How do you feel at the end of the day?
  • What will you be most proud of this evening?
  • Which three steps you can take today that bring you closer to your vision.

#4 Inspiring Assertions for Your Winner Mindset

Lastly, you want to finish strong with inspirational prompts for manifestation.

Pick five or come up with a sentence that has more meaning to you personally.

  • Courage means to speak up for yourself. You are courageous.
  • Focus on practice instead of performance.
  • Compare yourself to nobody but your yesterday’s self.
  • Treat yourself as someone you’re responsible for helping.
  • You attract everything you want into your life, including money, relationships, and opportunity.
  • You are free, and you inspire freedom in others. You are calm and confident. You are fulfilled, and you are loved. You focus on the things you can control in your life. You are healthy, and you are strong. You are living your dream while being balanced.
  • Whom can you help today through your actions? How can people win with and through you today? You rise by lifting others.
  • You are compassionate. You listen to your feelings and sense the apprehensions of others. You do not react. Instead, you act intentionally.
  • Be uncompromising with your time and with the things that you let into your consciousness. Everything you consume, media or food, affects you and your energy level.
  • You only get what you dare to ask.

How to Apply It: Ready, Set, Record!

By recording your favorite affirmations for mindfulness, posture, vision, and mindset, you will win any day that you listen to your recording.

Highlight your favorites, grab your phone, and press record. The most powerful affirmations are the ones you record and speak to yourself.

Make sure to leave enough pauses behind every prompt so you can think and feel. For example, when you give yourself the prompt to take ten deep breaths, literally breath into the microphone ten times.

Ignore your ego, who’s probably telling you recording your voice is ridiculous. Just do it and start winning every single day.

Photo by Author

You might not see it at first, but if you stick with it, there is no other habit that can bring a bigger transformation than listening to your self-recorded affirmations.

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive — to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”

— Marcus Aurelius

Do you want to stay in touch? Join my E-Mail List.

How To Prioritize Your Goals When Working From Home

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Don’t let others dictate your day.

Photo: Jason Strull/Unsplash

During the ongoing quarantine, many (privileged) people are working from home.

The initial euphoria of working in sweatpants gave way to a new realization: You can easily prioritize the goals of others over your intentions.

Finally, after many days of self-experimentation, I found a way to structure my time in a way that makes me feel satisfied and content.

By following these steps, you can integrate this structure, too.

The importance of prioritizing your own goals

If you’re a people-pleaser like me, you know how good it feels to promptly reply with “yes,” both in private and business context.

Mentor: “I wrote a new article on business transformations, and I’d love to have your opinion on that. Can you feedback?”

Me: “Yes, of course, I’d love to help you with that as I find the article’s topic interesting (and I appreciate our relation).”

Schoolfriend: “Do you want to join our trivia night via Zoom tomorrow night?”

Me: “Sure, I’d love joining our Zoom reunion (as it’s always fun to see you).”

Former boss: “We haven’t talked in a while. I’d love to know which projects you are currently working on.”

Me: “Yes! Let’s schedule a call on which of the following dates are you available?”

Here’s the problem with saying yes to everything: By consistently fulfilling the requests of others, you stop advancing your goals.

In my case, the result of pleasing people is an exhausted, drained, and unsatisfied individual that isn’t looking forward to her next working day.

There will always be a next new exciting opportunity to say yes too, but doing so too often means you say no to your own goals.

Saying no doesn’t mean you can never join any trivia nights again. But it does mean that you work towards your goals FIRST before you prioritize the requests of others.

There is a simple way to evaluate whether you prioritized saying yes to others over saying yes to your own goals: How much progress are you making towards your ambitions?

Is there something you always wanted to do, but “never find the time to” because you keep saying yes to others? How do you feel after a home office day? If your answer is along the lines of “unhappy, dissatisfied, exhausted, drained,” take the chance to change the flow of your days.

You have control of how you feel at the end of a day.

You are in charge of acting on your dreams. If you don’t take ownership of prioritizing your tasks, others will take over with ease. Eventually, you will live the life of others.

Excursion: The diminishing return of fulfilling requests of others

There’s a diminishing return of fulfilling the requests of others. On the x-axis, you see the time a person spends on completing the requests of others at a ten-hour workday (0=0 hours 10=10 hours). On the y-axis, is the person’s personal satisfaction level after a day of work (0=very unsatisfied 10=very satisfied).

The diminishing return of fulfilling the requests of others (Source: Own Illustration)

The graph demonstrates that fulfilling the requests of others has a diminishing return on your satisfaction level.

The green slope shows that our satisfaction sharply increases with the first hours spent on fulfilling the requests of others.

For me, a day on the green slope means I enjoy my morning routine and focus the next few hours on writing. Only afterward, I focus my mind on fulfilling the requests of others. For about three hours in the afternoon, I enjoy doing good for others, like proofreading a friend’s thesis or checking in with a friend who feels lonely these days. Later afternoon, I shut off my phone again and take the time to do one of my favorite things from this list, like writing a Goodreads review of a book I finished.

The yellow slope visualizes that with every additional hour spent on fulfilling requests of others, your satisfaction levels alters slower. Replying with “yes” and working or helping two more hours of your workday does not do any harm. Being on the yellow slope, you might ask, “What could I be doing instead, that increases my satisfaction level more with the same time invested?”

In the words of economists: “What are your opportunity costs?”.

For me, a day on the yellow slope means I started the day, again, with my morning routine and deep focused work on writing. At lunchtime, I check my inbox and messages. The first hours of helping and replying still feel amazing. But in contrast to a “green slope day,” I continue helping others, while some part of me is longing for other activities. I ignore my need for “alone quality time” and continue helping others.

That behavior is still tolerable. While you could have found more satisfaction in another activity, fulfilling the requests of others is still ok for your satisfaction.

Sounds ignorant? How much good can you do to others if you feel unsatisfied with yourself?

On the pink slope, shit hits the fan with every additional hour spent on fulfilling the requests of others, your satisfaction decreases.

If you already helped other persons for 5 hours that day, any additional hour spent can feel like a burden.

When entering the pink slope, there is no good in continuing fulfilling the requests of others as it drains your energy.

For me, a day on the pink slope starts with my phone interrupting me during my morning routine. I pick up and begin fulfilling the requests of others right away. “There is no time” for working on my writing or podcasting. I continue replying to e-mails.

The thing is, you do not do any good or help society if you give yourself up in helping others.

3 ways to prioritize your goals over the goals of others

1. Know your personal goals and write down the three next steps

Logically, you need to know your life goals to prioritize them. As you are reading this article, you probably know your intentions.

If not, read John Strelecky’s guide on finding your big five for life. Once you know your big goals, break them down into the three next steps.

One of my life goals, for example, is to become a speaker and writer. Why? I want to inspire others to live following their mind, body & nature. As this goal is still kind of abstract, I break it down to three achievements for the next day. Today, for example, goes as follows;

  1. Distraction-free writing for >2 hours
  2. Research two strategies for podcast marketing
  3. Prepare one new podcast episode.

In fact, during the home office, distraction-free working is quite a challenge.

That’s why you need to do another step.

2. Each day, block time for deep work

Next, you need to schedule a time for your work on your calendar. According to behavioral scientist Dan Ariely, your mind is most productive 2–3 hours after waking.

You want to use this time to make progress on your goals. We schedule our meeting times, but we barely schedule deep thinking time for our work.

I start working on my most important task of the day right after waking up (tea+yoga+meditation). I protect the clarity of my mind by rigorously turning off all distractions the night before.

Instead of my phone waking me, I use an alarm clock. I have an alarm clock without the possibility to check any messages or news directly. For my inbox, I use the inbox when ready for the Gmail extension. So, I turn my phone off, and I don’t visit any social media or news sites during my first deep working block.

3. Protect your deep thinking blocks

As demonstrated in the beginning, one readily agrees to help and please other people. Don’t get me wrong. Helping other people is essential and valuable.

I strongly believe that we rise by lifting others. So you should even OFFER help to people you feel you could help. But helping others is even more powerful when you do so while also accomplishing your priorities.

Here is some advice on how to protect your deep thinking blocks

  • Only say yes to projects that fully align with your goals or where you are the perfect person to help. To all other frame something like:
    “Thanks for reaching out. I appreciate you asking XYZ. It sounds as you’re making great progress at XYZ. Unfortunately, I have to decline your request as I have committed to three big projects. That’s why I decline every other request, regardless of how small, big, interesting, or exciting it might be.”
  • Maintain a “Said no to list”
    On this list, write down everything you said no to before. This list can help you in making a decision when you feel unsure whether to say yes or no.
  • Bundle “fulfilling the needs of others” into blocks during a day. For example, commit to checking your phone only after you have completed your three most important tasks of the day.

The Bottom Line

Prioritize your goals first, before fulfilling the dreams of others.

Your goal is to reach the sweet red spot where you help others while still taking the time to advance your ambitions.

Prioritize your goals by knowing your priorities.

Then, schedule and protect your deep thinking time.

The diminishing return of fulfilling the requests of others (Source: Own Illustration)

If you do not take care of advancing your personal goals, nobody will.

What are you going to do less? What is the next request you will say no to make time for what matters most to you?

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